


Reclamation

by Gothabilly13



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Genderswap, Girl!Reid, Het, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con References, Violation, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 17:16:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothabilly13/pseuds/Gothabilly13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasha Reid is there for Derek when he needs her, can he get past his own demons to be there for her when she needs him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _berryblue_girl's prompt in the Kink meme by Ansera.  
>  Original prompt: Derek/chick!Spencer, I have *such* a kink for genderbender and Spencer is so pretty, he could totally be a girl! Maybe have it where Derek and chick!Spencer were getting close to starting a relationship when the events in "Revelations" happened and perhaps something more than torture happened. Hurt/comfort sex would be nice, but I leave that up to the replier. Thank you in advance to whoever replies, I will love you forever!_  
> This was a very intense fic to write. Not for the squeamish. I do not try to sensationalize the assault that happens but I do paint it clearly. I will give you warning, I have written the scene so that if you wish to skip it and go on to the next chapter, you can.  
> Feedback is loved, but you have been warned so if it upsets you I am sorry but do not flame me.  
> not beta'd so mistakes are mine.  
> Thanks again to Berryblue_girl, without you bebe I wouldn't have written it.
> 
> AWESOME fanart image of Sasha by Mango_Popcicle   
> http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s197/VyletNoble/0011fdtb.png

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

****************

 

Secrets. 

Secrets were something you really couldn't keep in the BAU. Not when surrounded by the finest minds in the world, all focused on ferreting out secrets and uncovering subterfuge. 

It wasn't a surprise that Morgan's secret came out, just the when and where of it coming out had the agent in high distress.  
Despite his need to control the whole thing, his team saw him through it, safely as they could.

When it was over, when they all knew the secret and Carl had been carted off, Derek braced himself for the looks.  
There would be looks he knew because he gave them to survivors of abuse. They all did. Derek just didn't want to be seen as the victim by his team.

He knew his team mates meant well. He knew the looks were because they loved him and it hurt them that he was in pain. He got that.  
It was just that their looks held pity and sympathy, that was what grated at his already raw nerves.

At the station, when all was said and done and the team was readying to leave, the looks started.

Hotch, silent and reserved as always, squeezed Derek's shoulder. Pity was what the younger man saw in his dark eyes.

Jason, placid and calm, nodded to Derek and told him to take a few more days with his family. Sympathy, Derek read in his gentle gaze.

Emily, a quick hug almost so brief it was a blink. Her bright eyes filled with more sympathy.

JJ, her gentle heart apparent as she patted his shoulder in a hug. She felt pity. 

Derek was beginning to get a headache. Sitting on one of the hard chairs, he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.  
The air seemed to still, he felt cold slender fingers slip against his callused palm. Lifting his gaze, he found Sasha sitting very close.  
Her warm golden eyes wide and vulnerable. Her expression was the same one she wore most of the time. Thoughtful and curious.  
Her expression made him pause. There was nothing of pity or sympathy in the young woman's eyes. She licked her plush lips and gave him a side ways smile.

"There is a really cool diner near my place that is open 24 hours." her rasping voice spoke softly. "If you ever need a distraction, I don't sleep much. And they make really good blueberry pancakes." she said and her smile deepened. Suddenly Derek understood what he saw in her expression.

Empathy.

Reid didn't pity him, feeling sorry for his pain. Reid didn't sympathize, imagining what he was going through.

Her look spoke of understanding. Derek chilled at the thought of what Sasha could have in her past that gave her empathy for him. The headache seemed to throb less when she looked at him in that calm, easy way. 

"Thanks, Sash." he mumbled and gave her the closest thing to a smile he could muster.

"Anytime, Derek." She nodded her head and stood to her feet. Derek looked up the long limbed body, hung with androgynous clothing. Sasha was the perfect definition of awkward beauty.

Her long light brown hair was always in a state of falling down, or tangled up. She dressed in asexual clothing that hid the real shape of her form. She always seemed to be tripping over her own feet and knocking into things. 

Her face was the continence of a classic beauty. High cheekbones, full lips, and wide piercing eyes. There was a reason Derek called her Pretty Girl, and it wasn't sarcastic.

Sasha shrugged a little as she noticed his appraisal.

"Maybe, when you get home, we can try out those pancakes." She said and then, with a soft smirk, was gone. Off to gather her messenger bag and head to the SUV. 

Derek watched her go and his chest felt a little less tight.

~~~~~~

It was the night after he returned to DC, when he found himself pacing the floor of his living room. Holding the cell phone in one hand, while debating if he should call Reid.

It was almost 2 am. He couldn't sleep, he'd already taken an extra long walk with Clooney. Played fetch and brushed the collie's silky coat.  
Now the dog was having none of him, sleeping in the corner, with his paw over his muzzle.  
Derek had tidied the house, finished any laundry and sorted his mail. He couldn't seem to relax.  
Old ghosts haunting his subconscious, making it impossible to sleep without horrible nightmares.  
He knew he stood a very good chance of finding Sasha awake. He recalled the genius saying she hardly ever slept more than four hours at a time.

She had said, anytime. 

He shook off his doubts and punched the number, bringing the phone to his ear.

**

Sasha sat, curled on her sofa with several books around her. The flat was filled with the low sounds of Miles Davis, as she read the books rapidly. The silver and black cell phone on the side table began to buzz and she picked it up, flipping it open.

"Reid." she said curtly, thinking it was a case she was being called in for.

Derek held his breath for a second and Sasha's brows furrowed. She was about to repeat her name when Derek's voice responded.

"So, are they really good pancakes?" Morgan asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. Reid's smile could be heard in her soft chuckle.

"The best. Fresh blueberries and real maple syrup." she said sitting up and letting the books fall from her lap. 

"You know blueberries are a high source of antioxidants and the first known use of blueb--" 

"Reid." Derek's voice cut through the beginning of a lesson on blueberries. Sasha flushed, though Derek couldn't see her.

"Right, sorry. So, how about half an hour?" she offered and Derek agreed.

~~~

When Morgan pulled up to the diner, he had to smile. It was one of those really classic 50's diners that looked like an over grown Jetstream camper.  
All chrome and glass and red lacquer. Walking inside, he heard the bell on the door jingle as the music wafted through the mostly empty diner.  
Elvis crooned about a place called Heartbreak Hotel while Derek's gaze found Reid.

The genius was seated in a booth toward the back. She had her head down, looking at the papers she was working on. Her long golden brown tresses were tied up in a haphazard knot and pinned in place by two pencils and a Batman pen. 

One jean clad knee was pulled up against her chest, with an arm looped around it. Her pointed chin rested on the knee while her eyes rapidly scanned the page before her.

Rarely seen since she got contacts, her thick glasses were perched on her pert little nose. Though the artificial light was harsh and bright Derek thought he'd never seen her look more beautiful.

He felt a warm sensation in his belly. It was a pleasant feeling that replaced all the unpleasant feelings he had been dealing with. Liking that change, he ambled down the walkway to the booth. 

When his shadow fell over the table, Sasha looked up and blinked. Her honey eyes were enlarged by the glasses, making them seem the slightest bit too wide.

"Hey." she said, giving him her half smile and closing the books she had spread about. "Have a seat." she added and reached for the ever present cup of coffee at her side. 

Sasha sipped deep from the cup, as Derek shucked his jacket and sat down. He looked at her in time to catch the pure moment of pleasure as she drank the coffee. Her eyes closed and her sensual mouth turned up at the corners.

A small sound came from her throat that sounded a lot like a purr. Derek leaned his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm.  
Sasha opened her eyes and looked back at him. His face was amused. She blushed peachy and set the cup down.

They started off by selecting what to order. Reid informing on the do's and dont's of what to eat at Hal's Diner.  
They soon eased into the comfortable banter they normally had. 

Talking of how they each learned to swim. Reid expounding on the number of swimming pools per capita in the greater Las Vegas area. 

Morgan chuckling and telling about the time his mother tried to teach him how to make cup cakes for his class. It hadn't ended well. The frosting on the ceiling, he had scraped off for weeks.

They laughed and chased the darkness from Derek's eyes with each amusing story and shared moment of embarrassment. They ate and talked, until the sky began to streak with pink. 

Stepping from the diner into the cool air, Derek looked around for Sasha's car. 

"Pretty Girl, don't tell me you walked here?" he asked and looked at her with a worried expression. Sasha waved a hand at him and pointed down the sidewalk. 

"I live three blocks from here, Derek." she giggled. The older agent glanced down the still dark road and shook his head.

"Let me walk you home." he said, it wasn't a question. Reid capitulated, knowing her team mate and friend needed to be in control of something. Everything had been so out of control for him as of late.

They walked the short distance in companionable silence, both taking in the early morning light and the city coming to life around them.  
When they reached the corner of the third block, Sasha came to a stop. She looked at the door set into the side of the building and then to Derek.

"This is me." she said and began to rummage for her keys. Derek looked over the building and had to let out a small laugh.

"Reid, are you telling me you live over a book store?" he asked and shook his head in amusement. Reid shrugged and pulled her keys out at last.

"It's perfect for me and there is a wonderful coffee shop round the corner." she smiled 

"Of course there is." Derek nodded his head and stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked up the face of the building and could see a shape in the window over them. It was the silhouette of a cat.

"Who's your roomie?" he asked nodding his head at the feline watching them in the shadows. Reid looked up, her long neck stretching as she smiled at her pet. Derek was once again struck by her beauty.

"That is Aristotle." she said in a laughing voice. "He is telling me it's past bed time." she said and then blushed. "I'm glad you called, Derek." she said. On impulse, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Night." she whispered and then turned to slip through the door.

Derek's hand lifted to touch the spot where she had kissed him. A slow smile growing on his face, he waited until the lights came on in the window and the observing cat jumped down from his perch.

Whistling to himself, Morgan turned and walked back to his bike. Sleep was indeed, easy to find when he got home.

~~~~

So it began, this friendship turned slow courtship. They would meet, two or three nights a week, at the diner. Sometimes after work, if there wasn't a case that took them out of town. Sometimes at 2 or 3 am, when one of them had a nightmare or restless sleep. 

Eating, joking, sharing and learning, they became closer as the weeks passed.

Derek began to notice the way he was changing toward Sasha. He found himself more concerned about her in the field. He defended her, when local cops would snark about the walking computer. He made sure there was fresh coffee, when she was working a difficult puzzle presented in a case.

In turn, Sasha had noticed her attention for Derek was growing every day.  
She looked out for his well being, taking case files without his knowing, when she could see the fatigue weighing on him. 

When they were on a case that troubled the both of them, it wasn't a surprise that they found each other in the hotel coffee shop at 3 am. It wasn't Hal's, but they had each other to reflect off. It was good.

They were still professional and normal in the office or on a case. However, when they were off the clock, sitting across from each other in their diner, there was an intimacy. A connection that was born of their mutual admiration and trust. Both were taking advantage of the special bond while they could.

She never pressed him for details about what happened with Buford. She never pushed him when she knew the subject was tender. She let him tell her what he wanted to when he felt comfortable. She gave him the space and the time.

He was grateful for her tact. Though she might get lost in social niceties and norms, one thing Sasha Reid did well was knowing when to wait.

Derek found himself thinking more and more about Sasha, as a woman and not his team mate, co-worker, fellow agent.  
He thought about her flawless milky skin. The length of her graceful neck. How her white teeth tended to nibble on her lower lip, when she was thinking hard. The sound of her laughter when it was deep felt. The way she toyed with her sleeve if she felt shy. Her hair always smelled good, like sandalwood and jasmine.

Derek wondered if he was thinking about her too much. Stepping from the shower he crossed to his locker and began to dry off. He was toweling his body, when he over heard a pair of agents from another BAU team. They were talking about female agents and rating them on a 'bitch scale'.

Derek knew his mama would skin him for even listening to the sexist conversation, but he also knew, no matter how old they got, boys remained boys.

They considered JJ to be medium on the list. She was sweet but there was an edge that gave her the gumption to deal with the media.

Emily rated high but that was no shock. She didn't suffer fools like this lightly. Not to mention she could whup the ass of most men in the building.

Garcia got a sliding rating, as she was subject to mood shifts. One of the two men stated, the tech Goddess could go from zero to bitch in .03 seconds. Derek had to stifle a laugh at that.

His ears sharpened as he heard the other man mention Sasha.

"That brainy one, the walking encyclopedia. Yeah, I think she might have a little bitch in her, but she needs to get laid before it will come out." the man laughed and his friend agreed slapping him on the back.

"Oh, she's one of those quiet ones that seem so virginal and soft spoken but there is a streak of bitch just under the surface. I wouldn't mind popping her cherry though." he replied his voice dipping to suggestive. 

Derek felt his jaw tighten. A wave of heat spread over his body and he considered coming around the lockers and bashing the man's face in. The other agent was making agreeing sounds.

"You just know she has, like, a smokin' bod under those crap clothes she wears." he added and then the sound of the door closing let Derek know they had gone. 

Their conversation left him feeling conflicted. While he knew they were being rude and crude about his team mates, he was the one eavesdropping. 

And what was with that anger he felt? Where did he get off acting jealous?

Going home with a strange feeling in his chest, Derek spent the night working on his bike and avoided calling Reid.

~~~~

The case was a bad one, one that involved sexual abuse of children. Reid knew it was hitting Morgan more than he was showing. She stopped by his desk and dropped a note, before shouldering her bag and giving him a side smile. 

Derek watched her walk away before he unfolded the note and read her sloping handwriting.

'Hal's 2:00 am, Meet you there.'

He folded the note and tucked it into his pocket. For the first time in three days, the crease between his brows smoothed out.

~~~

They ate burgers and chili fries with lots of cheese. They talked about the things they never had. This case just felt too close. Brought up so many things they hadn't said yet.

Derek spoke in short simple sentences, explaining the fear, the guilt mixed with his sense of duty to his mother and sisters. The shame and self hatred he had worked through in collage, until his knee gave and he had to really think about his life.

Sasha listened with wide understanding eyes and soft sounds of commiseration or support.

When he had finished his tale, she reached across the table and curled her fingers in his. Derek held her hand, his heart feeling unburdened, like it hadn't in so very long.

Then, Sasha shared something with him. Derek felt the anger well in his belly, but held his tongue and let her speak, as she had let him.

There was a TA when she was in her second year of collage.  
He was handsome, charming and 25.  
He was very good at manipulation and saw the affection starvation in the 15 year old prodigy.

Derek wanted to know, while at the same time, he didn't want to know. Sasha held his eyes as they shared a moment of mutual pain.

"H-He never...." She faltered until his dark eyes grew glassy in fear. "But he intimidated and manipulated me into oral sex, whenever he could get away with it." the words were whispered, just loud enough for him to hear over the 50's tunes. Sasha dropped her eyes to the table top and traced patterns in the water from the condensation of her soda glass.

Derek squeezed the hand that wasn't tracing and he took a long slow breath. His mind summoned an unbidden image, of Sasha at 15, being used and abused, by the adult who knew better. 

The anger swept through him and he let it pass. Now was not the time to get worked up. Later. When he wormed the man's name out of her and made a little visit, then would be the time to rage.

She smiled at him and shook her head.

"I know what you are thinking, Derek and you can forget it." she said. The deep moment passed and she suggested they split a chocolate sundae.

Derek caught himself considering licking off the chocolate that clung to the corner of her lush mouth. Shaking the thought off, he let her finish the sundae before they called it a night.

When they made the walk to her flat, Sasha shivered and pulled her coat closer around her thin form. 

"The fall is coming sooner than expected. " She mumbled and tried to not let her teeth chatter.

Derek reached out his arm and drew her closer to his side, sharing his warmth. Sasha smiled shyly and soaked up the heat.  
When they reached her corner, she turned to look up at Derek with glassy eyes.

"You are a good man, Derek Morgan. Never doubt that." she said softly and then pressed up on her toes. Her lips met his with a confidence she normally didn't have. Derek's hands slipped around her small waist and pulled her closer.

When his tongue brushed against her bottom lip, she opened to let him taste her. The warm soft confines of her mouth were flavored with chocolate and coffee and something earthy he attributed to being simply Sasha.

They lost their control for several long moments, as they mapped each other's mouths and shared a raising pulse.

When Sasha couldn't go without air any longer, she pulled back to blink up at Derek. He smiled, seeing the flushed spots on her sharp cheekbones and the way she was short of breath.

"Pretty Girl." he murmured and she let him draw her into another kiss. 

The second kiss was longer and more intense. Derek's right hand found it's way to the tangle of silk Reid called hair. The other hand spanned the small of her back, pulling her body to his.

He held on to her, fearing she would slip away like a wisp of smoke. This was too sweet, too hot and too special for him to rush things.

Sasha let the kiss linger a little while longer and then slowly eased back from Derek's warm embrace. She traced one cold finger down his cheek and smiled in a tender way.

"You'll sleep tonight." she said quietly, holding her hands against his chest and feeling the steady beat of his heart. "Goodnight, Derek, thank you." she said and then was gone. 

Derek stood there, his breath puffing out before him as the air grew colder and he watched the light come on in Sasha's window, She peeked through the curtain and waved to him and she scooped Aristotle from his seat.

Derek felt like he was floating the whole way home. And Sasha was right, he slept like a log.

~~

The next morning Derek woke with a raging hard on, that refused to go away without satisfaction.  
Grunting, Derek rolled onto his back and reached into his boxers to wrap his fingers around the ridged flesh. For the first time, he focused his imagination on Sasha Reid. 

Sasha, in a sexual situation, with him. He imagined the way her skin would look when she was stripped of her cumbersome wardrobe.  
He wanted to know what her skin, her sex, her sweat tasted like. He wanted to hear her moan, gasp, cry out his name. He wanted to take her, to claim of her what no one else had.

The orgasm was hard, intense and longer then normal. Derek lay panting with his seed cooling on his fingers and belly. His face split in a wide grin.

He was so hooked.


	2. Chapter 2

They began meeting almost every night that they were home and not on a case. The walk to Reid's door ending in kisses that left them both thrumming with excitement and desire.

While working, sneaking little glances were all they shared to indicate what was going on.

Two weeks after their first kiss, Sasha invited Derek up to her flat.

Climbing the stairs, while watching Sasha's backside move before him, Derek tried to find his normal cool and casual lady killer facade. It wasn't working, he couldn't pretend with Reid.

The apartment was small but the tidy clutter made it feel homey. The smell of coffee lingered in the air. He had a soft expression as he took in the space his Pretty Girl spent her time in.

The profiler's attention was drawn by the sound of small pattering feet and a curious meow. He looked at the floor to find a pair of luminescent green eyes looked back at him.

"Hello Aristotle." he said and stooped to scratch the pretty black cat. The feline rubbed his head against Derek's hand, before trotting after his mistress into the tiny kitchen.

Sasha gave the cat a treat and some fresh water before coming back into the small living room. 

Derek was scanning the hundreds of books that sat on shelves lining the walls. There was a small but comfortable looking sofa and a wing-back chair. Down the shadowed hall, he assumed, was her bedroom. Turning as she came back, he smiled.

Reid looked a little nervous and she tugged at her sleeve. Understanding, Derek crossed to the sofa and sat down. Sasha seemed to be relieved at his action and moved to sit next to him.

"This place is very you, Sash." he said extending an arm behind her shoulders to draw her closer.

She smiled and looked at him through her lashes. Her heart was pounding so hard, she was sure he could hear it. She gave a small thank you, before curling up against his side.

It wasn't long before they were wrapped around each other, kissing deeply. Hands roamed, learning the slopes and curves of each other.

Encouraged by the breathy little whimpers she gave into his kiss, Derek pulled her to straddle him. His hands slipped up her back, threading into her hair and holding her head in place.

He could feel the curves of her body as she pressed against him. Her hands gripped his shoulders as she let him kiss her as deeply as he wanted.

He knew he needed to stop this soon. His cock was more than half hard and he could feel the want burning in his belly. While he was sure they were more than just dating now, he didn't think Sasha was ready to sleep with him.

Reluctantly breaking the kiss, Derek held her face in both hands.

"Baby Girl, I don't want to rush this, for either of us." he said in a low husky voice. Sasha shivered and pressed her forehead to his. Her breathing was short as she sought to pulled herself together.

"I-I know, you're right." she said, her lashes fluttering. "This just feels so...wonderful." she whispered and kissed along his strong jaw. The way she shifted in his lap caused her to rub against the growing bulge in his jeans. Derek growled and caught her face again.

"Baby, please. There is only so much a man can take." he said his voice rumbling with a sexy laugh. "We got all the time in the world. I want you, but I know that we aren't there just yet." His honesty touched her deeply. She smiled so brightly, it should have lit the dim room. Derek returned the smile and slowly eased her off his lap.

"I never felt such an attraction to some one before." she said laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I'm being over eager." she said feeling embarrassed. She wasn't acting like an inexperienced virgin. That sibilant sinister voice in the back of her head whispered softly.

' _Inexperienced? HA! Get on your knees and show him how inexperienced you are._ ' 

It scared her, that voice. It had appeared when she had finally gotten away from the man who took advantage of her. A remaining scar of her abuse.

Reid shivered at the dark words, pulling away from Derek. His brow went up, wondering what had changed.

Reid gave a weak smile. She patted his arm and said she needed to use the bathroom. Derek nodded and tilted his head.

"Maybe, I should go." he suggested, knowing if he stayed this close to her right now, he would talk himself into more. Sasha looked a little let down for a beat before she nodded.

"Yeah, that is probably a good idea." she agreed and leaned in to give him a small kiss. Derek wasn't sure what had put her of kilter but took it as a sign that she wasn't ready yet. Feeling better about his decision to stop, he kissed her deeper and then tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

"I'll see you in the morning, Pretty Girl." he murmured and then made his way out the door.

*****

Another week passed and they spent every night, after work, together. Their make out sessions got more and more heated. The feeling of her slender body under his hands was driving him mad. He wanted to see her, see all of her. Still, they stopped just short of the act.

Cold showers were becoming the norm for Derek. He began to fight with himself over waiting and taking slow verses throwing caution to the wind and fucking like bunnies. That is why, Derek swore a blue streak when both their cells chimed, to signal they were being called in on a case.

He couldn't believe it. Not now, not this night. The fates couldn't be that cruel.

They had made it to Sasha's bedroom. The young woman assuring him that things were good and she wanted more. His hand had been poised to pull the frumpy tan slacks off her hips. The chime sounded again, only to be followed by the sound of Derek's cell ringing with JJ's ring-tone.

"FUCK!" he groaned, before leaning to grab his cell off the bed table.

"Clearly not tonight." Sasha joked as she got up and righted her clothing. Derek made a face at her snark.

****

The case was bizarre. 

They were heading to Georgia. A home invasion killing team with one member who called in the attacks. Biblical references and professions of angelic influence clouded the truth.

There was so much information to gather. Things were unraveling and coalescing at the same time.

They worked the long nights and slept when they could. When the videos began popping up, the tension in the team increased. 

These guys were really sick fucks and Derek couldn't wait to get them.

He caught moments with Sasha, here and there. There wasn't any time to steal away and lose themselves in each other.

When Jason made the finial connection, they realized JJ and Reid had gone to the unsub's house, unaware who he was. Morgan thought the bottom had dropped out of his world.

The drive out to the rural farmhouse was too long, no matter how fast he drove.

When they searched the house and found no sign of the girls, Derek felt the rising panic beginning to swamp his higher brain functions.

The discovery of JJ, in the barn with the remains of the last victim and the dead dogs, pushed his heart rate sky high.

"JJ, where's Reid.?"

"W-We s-split up, she went round back." 

The words were barely out of her mouth before Derek was moving. They searched, the cornstalks seemed to mock them.

No, No, No, this can't be happening!

"Looks like someone was dragged."

Derek's vision narrowed and he thought he might black out. His mind couldn't wrap around the facts. The simple words he could see in his head, but couldn't make sense of it.

The unsub had taken Sasha.

***  
They stood in the farmhouse and faced each other. All the team members could feel the rage and blind fear radiating off Derek. If the team had still been unaware of the growing relationship, it was pretty clear now. 

Hotch commanded Derek to take a moment and calm himself. Garcia was working the tech, trying to find the bastard that took Sasha.

Derek paced the kitchen, attempting to focus on the scuffed and faded linoleum. His mind was supplying him with countless things the psycho could be doing to her. His eyes stung with unshed tears as he quelled the gut deep desire to scream his lungs out.

A pained cry from Penelope brought them all running. The screen showed a ramshackle room with Reid cuffed to a chair in the middle of the frame.

She looked terrified and exhausted. The figure, they now knew as Tobias Hankle, crossed in front of Reid. 

"They say you can see inside men's minds." he hissed at her. "That makes you a witch." Sasha trembled as she shook her head.

"N-No, I-I'm just a woman." she said and held her head up to face her tormentor. "My name is Sasha, Sasha Reid..."

"Lying Whore!" Tobias shouted and backhanded the girl across the face. Reid's head snapped to the side, blood on her lips.

There was a collective outcry in the room. Derek gripped the back of the wooden chair he was leaning on. The wood creaked ominously.

Tobias moved around behind the camera as Sasha tried to reason with him. Assuring the mentally fractured man that she wasn't a witch, she just wanted to help him.

"You stop your lying, bitch." he snapped and brought a length of wood toward her. She tugged on the shackles holding her to the chair. Tobias knelt in front of her and grabbed her foot. 

"W-What are you doing?" she stuttered and tried to pull her foot away. "Y-You don't have to do this." she pleaded. The man ignored her begging, stripped the shoe and sock, baring her wiggling foot.

"You will confess your sins and be judged," he shouted and brought the plank down on the sole of her foot.

The scream that tore from the young woman sent Derek pacing and shouting his intention to take Hankle apart.

Garcia tried to hack the feed with tears running down her cheeks. The blows continued and Reid's screams of pain ripped through them all.

The feed stopped and they all began to talk. Jason shouted for silence. Breathing heavy, the profilers all looked around and tried to gather their composure. 

Hotch, now collected once more, began to give orders. If they were going to find Reid, they needed to work the case.

****

Time moved too slowly. Derek tried to keep himself busy, doing anything to help the search. He poured his umpteenth cup of coffee and turned to find JJ standing behind him. Her face was contorted in guilt 

"You think I was wrong to split up from Reid, don't you?' she asked in a low rasping tone. Derek's mouth formed a straight line. 

"It doesn't matter, JJ. The fact is, one of you is here and the other isn't." he said and made to move past her.

The emotions were just too raw and exposed for all of them.

***

"She's back!" Garcia's shrill cry brought them running to the room. Prentiss and Rossi were gone, tracking down some known associates of Hankle. The remaining members huddled around the screen.

Reid was still lashed to the chair. Her face was bruised on one side and looked very painful. The swelling almost closing one eye. She was breathing heavily. 

The sound of foot steps told them Tobias was back, though his posture was different. He seemed furtive and frightened. He held a syringe in his hand.

"I told you not to anger him." he said to Reid. "Just confess and he will give you your judgement." She lifted her head and looked at him with one eye closed.

"Tobias, you can help me out of this. Please, just untie me and we can leave." she said and looked at him with her good eye. He shook his head. 

"Nope, he'll find us. This helps." he said and tied off her bared arm. He plunged the needle into her white skin.

"No." Sasha pleaded. "I don't want it. Just untie me, We can...get...away...." She was losing the thread of her words as the drug surged into her system.

"Please...T-Tobias, Let me go, I can h-help y-ou..." she gasped out. He suddenly turned violent and leaned fast into her face, making her flinched backward.

"NO! He'll follow, he'll know! He always knows." he said and turned to walk to the other side of the room. Throwing more fish gut on the fire.

****

"So tell me, witch. What do you confess?" The persona of Tobias' father demanded and stared at the cowering girl. Reid shook her head.

"I've done nothing." she gasped and braced for the blow. It was hard and caused the young woman to cry out. 

After several long moments of watching Sasha be beaten, Derek gave a pained roar and punched a hole in the wall. 

*****

They were getting nowhere. The time stretched on, as they tried to figure out the location where Hankle was holding Reid.

When the streaming video came back, the psycho was demanding Sasha pick a person from the screens to die. She refused. There was a battle of wills before the girl compromised and picked the people to live.

The team scrambled to try and intercept the killer before he struck. 

They were too late. 

***

Jason leaned in to the camera, speaking to Reid. Telling her that she was stronger than Hankle. She clung to the words, trying to keep faith that they would find her, before the mad man killed her.

***

When Hankle returned, he was in a rage. The beating continued. Reid cried and begged for him to stop. He insisted she confess her sins. She bantered with him about biblical passages. He wasn't subdued.

Grabbing the profiler up by the collar of her shirt, he ranted into her face, his fetid breath making her gag. Standing so close, he looked at the sinner in his hold and his eyes fell on a mark on her pale throat. It wasn't a mark he put there. It was a bite bruise, one created in passion. His evil eyes narrowed and he pushed her back. 

"WHORE!" he shouted, his voice thundering in the small shack. Reid shook her head frantically. 

"No! No I'm not a whore," she sobbed. He glared at her, his finger pointing in condemnation.

"You fornicator, SINNER!" he bellowed. Reid shook her head in denial. He began to strike her again.

"NO. I'm not..." she pleaded, his blows having tipped the chair on it's side. She lifted her head from the floor and she tried to focus on the lunatic. 

"I'm not a whore. I-I'm a virgin." her voice dipped to almost a whisper.

The watching figures all shared a plaintive gasp as Hankle stopped moving and looked at her with intensity.

"Liar. You are no virgin." he said and his feet moved closer to her. Reid sucked in lung fulls of air as she tried to distract him from further violence.

"I have a suitor but I'm not a whore." she said painfully. Hankle's posture stiffened and he reached down to hoist her up. 

"Well, that is easily proven." he said menacingly and unhooked the handcuffs from the chair, yanking Reid to her feet.

She yelped in agony as she tried to put weight on the injured foot. The swollen appendage wouldn't hold her and she began to fall. He tossed her over his shoulder and carried her off screen.

Garcia gave a pained cry of NO! while the others stared in abject horror. 

What they couldn't see was made more agonizing by the fact that they could hear it all. Somehow, being forced to imagine it was worse than seeing it with their own eyes.


	3. This is the chapter to skip if you do not want to read the assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you want to skip this you can and it won't mess up the thread of the story. Simply scroll down to chapter 4

Hankle dumped the wriggling agent down on a ratty cot tucked against the wall. He tugged her cuffed hands up over her head and attached them to the metal frame of the cot. She struggled, her breath quickening in terror.

"NO! Please! No!" she pleaded over and over. She was so terrified of his intent and couldn't believe this was happening. This was wrong, she was supposed to be with Derek. Hankle slapped her across the face.

"Quiet!" his voice growled. "Your lies are about to be exposed, Whore." he said and there was a harsh rending sound as he tore her shirt open. Ripping and yanking until her torso was bare to his snarling gaze.

Tears began to stream down her face, sucking in sobbing breaths, she desperately tried to catch his eyes.

"Please don't do this." she sobbed. "I'm n-n-not what y-you think." she clenched her legs together and began to draw her knees up in a defensive posture. "I l-love s-somone...I'm n-not a whore..."

Hankle struck her again, wrenching a shriek from her as it landed on the swollen side of her face. He bared his teeth, condemning her under his breath in an endless litany of biblical mishmash. 

His hands moved roughly to wrench her pants from her hips. Reid screamed in protest, denying him with every shuddering breath. 

Trying to kick at him, she jammed her injured foot against his knee. She had a frightening moment where spots danced before her eyes. He shoved her clothing down and off, exposing her to the cold of the shack. 

'Don't pass out. Don't pass out.' she chanted in her head. He grabbed at her body, twisting her soft breasts cruelly in his chapped hands.

"Stop! I don't want this! NO! STOP!" Her desperate screams echoed out of the speaker into the room where the team sat, in impotent agony.

Sasha was frantically attempting to bring her mind back to order. There had to be something she could do to stop him. Her immense intellect failed her in the face of psychotic evil.

Cruel and violent hands forced her legs apart and tore the cotton panties from her body. Sasha's weeping was constant, she struggled to push him away without the use of her hands.

He laughed at her bucking attempts to dislodge him and slapped her again. He prodded her sex with rough and invasive fingers. Reid twisted her body trying to unhook the cuffs from bed frame.

"STOP IT! It's not supposed to be you!" her self control gave away and she began to struggle with all her might.

Hankle pulled his other hand back and doubled a fist. He punched her in the jaw, making the young woman see stars. She came dangerously close to succumbing to the blackness that grayed her vision.

"If you ain't a whore, then you'll have something else to confess." he reasoned insanely and poked her again, liking the way she writhed and cried out. 

"You sure wiggle like a whore." he replied and pulled his fingers free. He pushed her pants down to her ankles and moved his knees between her calves. Sasha's thighs closed in self defense and she shook her head on the dirty bedding.

"NO! PLEASE!" she screamed and her fear took over. "Derek! Please! Help me!" She was slipping into a place of pure fear and pain.

Derek was standing in the open doorway to the computer room, facing the doorjamb, gripping the woodwork in a bone-crushing grip. Tears ran down his face and his mouth contorted in rage. There was nothing he could do to help her. Nothing he could do to save her.

JJ had collapsed against Hotch's shoulder in hysterical sobs, while he held her stiffly, his own face a mask of pain.

Emily sat, staring with glassy wide eyes and one hand covering her mouth. Her other arm wrapped around her stomach as she fought the wave of nausea. Rossi at her back, his face so sorrowful and angry.

Jason leaned over Garcia's shoulder, holding her arms tightly. His face was awash in an almost parental expression of agony. Gideon wrapped his arms around her as the gentle hearted analyst wept silently.

"NO!!NO! Not you! Please No... Not You..." Sasha's screams took on an even more painful tone, the sounds of struggling continued. There was a guttural grunt from Hankle, as he forced her thighs apart. Reid begged and pleaded for the millionth time.

When a soul rending, high pitch scream split the air, Morgan wrenched a piece of woodwork from the door jamb. His own horse cry of anguish rattled his broad chest. He wanted to leave, he wanted to beat something to a pulp but he couldn't leave her to this. He couldn't run from being her witness. 

Hankle gave a deep grunt and covered Reid's mouth with his hand, muffling her screams.

"Guess you were telling the truth." he said maliciously. "Too late now." he gave a vicious chuckle and began to thrust his thick squat cock hard into her.

For several very long and horrifying minutes, the sounds of Sasha's smothered screaming and Hankle's panting and grunting filled the speakers. Backed up by the sickening slap of skin on skin and shifting fabric. The sounds of their friend and team mate being brutally raped were all that could be heard.

It seamed to go on forever, but finally the psycho gave a loud groaning sound and the motion sounds stopped. He removed his hand and Reid's crying grew louder. He pulled from her and stood to his feet.

"Now, you got a sin to confess, whore." he laughed in a filthy and disgusting manner. Kicking the girl in the ribs, he spat on her and turned to the camera.

Garcia gave a pained moan as he came into frame, still zipping his pants. If looks could kill he would have dropped dead on the spot.

He glared at the lens, as if daring them to reproach him.

"I ain't done." he said and turned off the camera.


	4. Chapter 4

The room was still, except for the sounds of the women's soft crying. Derek was numb. He stood staring at the wood in his hands, wondering if the psycho was going to kill Sasha now. He slammed the wood to the floor and gave another anguished shout.

Rossi gave Emily's shoulder a squeeze, before moving to guide the enraged Morgan out of the room. He lead Derek out the back of the house. The night air was chilled and made them both sharpen and sigh deeply.

"Look, Morgan, I can't say I know what you're feeling, but I can imagine." the older profiler said in a low calm tone. "But, if we are gonna find her, we all need to be clear." His dark eyes held Morgan's, waiting for the recognition to settle into they younger man.

"Go, get it out, take it out on the fucking corn. But let it go, for now." He spoke with a deep serious tone that reminded Derek of his favorite uncle. "She needs us, she needs you, to be clear and get to her before it's too late." Rossi said and chucked Morgan on his muscled shoulder. Derek's face seemed to crumple and he nodded, knowing that Rossi was right.

"Thanks, Dave." he mumbled and stalked toward the corn rows. 

Rossi watched him go and his heart hurt for both his team mates. He had been the only one to notice the change in Morgan and Reid's relationship. 

The increased intimacy of their body language and they way they seemed to share more inside jokes, gave him the first clue. But his theory had been confirmed one night. He was driving around clearing his head, he'd found it helped to shake off a bad case. He was stopped at a light, looking around the dark streets when he caught sight of a couple in an embrace under the street lamp. The kiss was very tender and seemed to be heated. When they parted, he had laughed out loud. 

Sasha and Derek. 

When he was right he was right.

Having been witness to what they had, he was heart broken for his friends. They had such a beautiful thing going and now it was going to be greatly complicated. He prayed to the Virgin that they made it through intact.

Derek laid into the corn stalks like they were Hankle. He ripped and tore and smashed, until he was heaving for air. He felt the anguished tears run down his cheeks. He knew what pain his lover was feeling. 

_Lover._

God, could he even really call her that? If he had been more bold, then maybe she could have been spared having her virginity raped from her. 

Guilt and rage and blinding pain washed through him. He sank to his knees sobbing. 

He wept for the pain Sasha was going through, she didn't deserve it. She was a tender and innocent person. He raged at the God he had issue with and tried to clear his head.

Sash needed him. He couldn't fall apart now.

*******

Garcia's shriek brought them all running. The feed was back, after three frustrating hours. 

Sasha was back in the chair. Her hands cuffed, her clothing disheveled. Her hair hung down in front of her face and she seemed to have labored breathing. They could see the rubber tubing looped loosely around her slender arm.

"He drugged her again." Prentiss said, her voice sounding cold, like she was planning how she wanted to dissect Hankle.

As if summoned by that thought, he made his way into the frame. The posture and voice indicated it was Raphael who was speaking.

 

"Choose one of your team to die." he demanded dispassionately. 

Sasha shook her head and it lolled on her neck, she tried to focus. Her chin lifted and they all held their breath. Her face, still a mess of bruises, seemed to clarify. Her bleeding bottom lip trembled for a moment.

"No." Reid said, her golden eyes dulled a bit by the drug.

Raphael stepped up to her and showed her a revolver. His other hand held a bullet. 

"God's will." he said and slipped it into the cartridge. He spun it and held the muzzle to Sasha's forehead.

"Choose one of your team to die." he demanded again. 

The whole room leaned forward. Derek was gripping his arms across his chest so tight, it was making breathing difficult. The fear was palpable in the close space.

"No." Reid's voice was unwavering as she stared right at the mad man.

Hankle pulled the trigger. Garcia yelped and JJ flinched, when the dull clicking sound sounded through the speakers.

"Choose!." Raphael shouted. Sasha refused again. 

Again the trigger was pulled and again the click. 

Even in her drugged and abused state, Sasha knew the chances of the next cylinder being empty, were very slim. Her mind scrambled and she opened her mouth.

"A-Aaron Hotchner." She said and there was a series of gasps from everyone, but Hotch. 

"He's a classic narcissist. He puts himself before everything...everyone." her voice went up as she quoted a biblical verse. 

Raphael seemed to be mollified. The gun lowered and the camera went off.

Hotch jumped from his chair and went to the next room. The others followed, hoping he wouldn't take it personally that she had picked him in her desperation.

Morgan was reaching to grasp his boss' elbow, when Hotch held up a bible.

***********

Derek tried to hold back the nausea he was feeling, as they raced from the fetid shack Hankle had imprisoned Reid in. They scattered through the graveyard, fearing the worst.

When the gunshot cracked thought the night, Morgan's heart dropped and he thought the world had turned upside down. 

He tripped his way across the dark ground, as they all converged on the source. His pulse pounding in his head, his breathing harsh and rasping. He was dangerously close to praying.

He skidded to a stop and felt the gravel grip at his boots. His lungs stopped and his eyes grew wet.

There she was, his Baby Girl. 

In a half dug grave. 

Shaking, terrified, knelt beside the man who had kidnapped, beat, drugged and raped her.

The man she had killed with an excellent center of mass shot.

Gideon and Hotch reached her first. They carefully pulled her from the hole.

There were relieved and emotional murmures. Derek stared at Henkle's body. Something inside him wishing he could bring Tobias back, just to kill the fucker again. He focused on Sasha, needing to see where she was in her acceptance of her trauma. She hugged the stoic team leader and gasped out.

"I knew you'd understand." Hotch clutched her briefly, his pain for her clear on his clenched face.

Derek waited, staring, like his feet were frozen. He watched JJ hug Sahsa and beg her forgiveness. Emily brush back her hair and tell her she was going to be ok.

Then, those golden eyes found him and she looked terrified, like he was going to reject her.   
That ashamed, not worthy, look started to settle on the slender woman. It was a mindset and posture Derek understood, only too well.

Derek startled and moved forward. He knew what she was feeling. He knew what thoughts her mind was suggesting. He moved to her, his arms outstretched.

"Sash..." he whispered as he pulled her to him. At his touch, All the holding back she had been doing broke. She clutched at him and the pain swamped her. She sobbed and her knees buckled. Without thought, he scooped her up and turned to carry her to the EMTs. Her arms looped around his neck and she tucked her face into the crook.

"W-When they t-take me to the h-hospital, will you s-stay with m-me?" she asked in a small wounded voice.

"Always, Baby. Wherever you are, I'm there." he vowed and hugged her abused little body to him.

Rossi watched them and softly sent out another prayer.

"Sanctus Matris , beatus lemma quod servo lemma in vestri pectus pectoris." He kissed his knuckle and moved to follow.

****

When then loaded her into the ambulance, Derek climbed in and held her small chilled fingers. She was shaking, due to a combined effect of shock and the drugs Tobias had given her. 

Reid's eyes darted around the van, landing on Derek's warm brown eyes every few minutes. When they locked gazes, he would squeeze her fingers gently and it seemed to lessen her stress. He was grateful that he could give her some little comfort.

At the hospital, she was ushered into a private room and assured the doctor would be there shortly. 

Sasha sat on the bed, her feet dangling just above the floor, she felt the weight of it all falling on her shoulders. Derek knelt down before her and lifted her chin.

"Sasha, I need you to listen to me for a moment." His voice was low and infinitely tender.

She slowly focused her gaze on him, worrying her swollen lip between her teeth. 

"I know what you are feeling, I'm not pitying or imagining, remember that ok? And know this, above all else, I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need from me; Space, Comfort, Venting, Talking, Ice Cream...whatever. You just tell me and I'll do everything I can to give you that. Can you do that for me, Baby?" he asked in a slow procession of words. 

He wanted to appeal to her logical side, to plant the seed of his support before the emotional trauma took over.

Reid looked at him intently, as she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. 

"I-I'll try to re-remember that...." she said and her eyes welled with tears. "Derek!" she cried and he was up and holding her in an instant.

"Oh, Baby, let it out, I'm here, I got you. Not gonna let you fall. Cry all you want." he said, trying to hold back his own tears. Her fingers gripped his shirt so tight, her knuckles were white. 

She sobbed so hard, her little body shook in his arms. It tore his heart out but he held his strength, for her. She needed him and he would be there for her. 

No one had been there to hold him like this and he'd be dammed before he'd let her suffer alone.

"I got you now, Baby. I'm not letting anything hurt you anymore." he said and kissed her hair.


	5. Chapter 5

The examination by the doctor was almost paralyzing for Sasha. Morgan had insisted on staying with her, but the female doctor had been firm. Derek had to wait in the hall. The team badgered him for answers but he didn't have any beyond she was coping. Once they let him back in, he was at her side.

"I'm back, Baby." he murmured when she looked at him with perpetually wet eyes. 

"We need to bandage this foot, Sasha." the doctor said with a gentle expression.

Reid clung to Derek's hand as the doctor and nurse carefully bound up the badly bruised foot. They gave her only mild pain medication, not wanting to have a bad reaction with what had been forced on her. 

It all seemed to be taking too long for Sasha. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to wash, so badly. She wanted to curl up in Derek's lap with Aristotle and pretend the last two days hadn't happened.

Once they had her injuries taken care of, the placid doctor stated that she needed to talk to Sasha about her recovery.

"Mr. Morgan, if you could step outside again please." She said, holding her clipboard to her chest. Sasha shook her head frantically.

"NO!" Her voice was louder then she meant. "I-I'm sorry, but I want him to stay." she said and swallowed hard. Derek squeezed her hand and looked at the doctor.

"It's up to her, if she wants me to stay, then I'm staying." His voice was calm but serious. Reid nodded her head.

"Please." she whispered and licked her bruised lips. The doctor sighed and nodded her own head.

"Alright, Dr. Reid. But, that answers the first question I have." she said, flipping the papers on the clipboard. "Mr. Morgan will be able to assist you when you leave?" she asked, raising a brow as she looked at the couple. Reid's brow furrowed and she cocked her head to the side. 

Derek felt a little warm sensation in his chest. He adored her confused expression. The doctor held up a hand when Sasha looked ready to protest.

"You are going to need someone with you for at least two weeks. It's going to be hard to get around with both the foot and the cracked ribs. You won't be able to take the pressure on crutches for very long. So, avoiding them until the ribs have healed is what I am recommending." She spoke with efficiency and seriousness.

Morgan was quick to agree. He knew Sasha might balk at the enforced care but she needed it. He needed to be able to do something for her as well.

"Yes, I'll take care of her. And if I can't be there, any one of our team will happily stay with her." he said looked down at Sasha. "I talked to them in the hall. Garcia might blow a gasket if you try to keep her and the bakery she is planning away." He said trying to give her a lighter expression. Sasha felt her chest tighten and she swallowed the lump in her throat. 

"Y-Yeah...ok." she looked at the doctor again and tried to pay attention. 

"The stitches we put in your foot, should dissolve in a week. Be sure to keep it clean and there will be some ointment for that and the abrasions on your face." She rattled off and flipped the papers back down. Her eyes became very sympathetic and she cleared her throat a little before continuing.

"I am going to strongly recommend that you see a a trauma therapist, Dr. Reid. In your line of work, the psychological stress is already extremely high. You will want to heal, not cover up what you've been through." Her eyes were gentle and imploring, she held Sasha's gaze. The younger woman chewed her bottom lip and nodded mutely.

Derek's heart was squeezing so painfully while the doctor spoke of the injuries from the rape. His lungs seemed unable to take a full breath and the sting in his eyes was making seeing difficult. 

He didn't want, yet needed, to hear that the physical damage from the sexual assault was going to heal quickly. He knew that the doctor was avoiding telling Sasha she was lucky it hadn't been worse, he silently thanked her for her sensitivity.

Sasha was beginning to compartmentalize. She listened but wouldn't let the tears or pain well up. Her logic was beginning to take hold once more. She listened like as if the words were about someone else

"We didn't have to stitch, so you should recover from those injuries quickly. But please check in with your doctor when you get back to DC. Make an appointment first thing. I will send your records from here." she stepped forward and clasped Sash's calf in a comforting hold.

"You are a very strong, intelligent young woman. I think if you remember that, let those who love you help, then you can get through this." she patted Sasha's leg and gave them both a tight little smile. "I am willing to let you go with your team, if you promise me to see your doctor back in DC, ASAP." She eyed the young women. Reid flushed and nodded looking down. "Ok, I'll go fill out the papers."

"Thank you." Sasha said in a small voice. Derek echoed the thanks as the doctor left. He turned and sat on the edge of the bed next to her. She didn't look up. Derek was trying to keep his feelings calm for her.

"You ready to see the team?" he asked and reached up to brush her hair back. Sasha flinched on instinct. She flushed immediately.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered not looking at him. Derek tiled her chin up with one finger and shook his head.

"You don't have to apologize, Pretty Girl. Just tell me what you want and I will do it." he said and she drew in a deep breath. Sasha wanted to not be here, she wanted to not have been raped. Her chest clenched but she stuffed the feelings down.

"I can see them, just--" she licked her lips a few times, like her mouth had gone dry. "Tell them not to smother me, please. I don't think I can handle weepy eyes and 'sorry faces' from them right now." she asked, feeling like shit for it. Derek nodded.

"Understood." he said and brought her fingers up to kiss them. Sasha watched him with wide eyes, conflicting emotions visible in her golden irises. How could he not want to get away from her? How could he still love her? The dark voice hissed in her head.

 _'It's pity, he knows they would all think him an asshole if he dumped you now. But he will. You're damaged goods. Your dirty and used. He won't touch you like that anymore. JUST WATCH!'_ She shivered at the darkness that voice evoked in her. She didn't want to listen.

Derek stood and held up a finger. He stuck his head out the door and spoke to someone. Reid couldn't hear what he said but she wasn't really trying to. 

Clutching the sheets in her hands, she tried to put on a more together face. For her team, her family, who hadn't stopped looking for her. The conflicting feeling were pushing at her reason and logic. 

Derek was back at her side before she realized it. He smiled and peeling her fingers off the bedding. He twined them with his own and gave her his strength.

The door pushed open, Garcia, Emily and JJ came in. They all smiled and tried to look like everything was ok.

The bubbly tech was clearly dampened by what had happened. Yet, she didn't let it stop her from going to Reid's side and grasping her free hand.

"Hey Sugarplum, you ready to blow this pop-stand?" she asked and gave Sasha a 'brave little toaster' smile. JJ and Emily sat at the foot of the bed, being careful of the bandaged foot.

"We're wrapping up with the local PD, then the jet will be fueled for us to go home." JJ said, her voice wavering a little. Emily watched Sasha, noting the mask she was wearing and couldn't blame her.

"We're going to get you home, Sash." she said, her dark eyes showing more emotion than they had before.

Sasha gave them a small weak smile. Derek was still holding her hand and showing no sign of hiding his feelings for her. That conflicted with the voice in her head. She tried to focus on the women.

"Thanks. I just want to get out of here." she said and had to lean closer to Derek. They all nodded and tried to think of something to say. Garcia kept patting the genius' hand.

There was a soft knock on the door. Emily looked up.

"That would be the guys." Emily replied softly. She gave a tight smile as Hotch stuck his head in the room. 

"Means our time is up, ladies." The women got up, with soft pats and brave smiles, they left. 

Hotch, Gideon and Rossi came in. Reid shifted closer to Derek unconsciously. Morgan looked down at her in concern.

Hotch caught the way she seemed to cringe from them. He quickly sat in one of the chairs. Jason walked around to sit on the bed, facing Sasha and Derek. Rossi kept back, observing more than interacting. Gideon was the first to speak. His gentle loving eyes glassy as he looked at the young agent he considered a daughter.

"Sasha, you are truly an amazing woman." Jason said, in his soft placid voice. Hotch was studying his agent as well, wanting to be sure she wasn't too far broken.

"We'll be leaving in about two hours." he said in a low voice. "You take all the time you need to heal, Reid." His furrowed his brow in a way that meant he was trying to mask his emotions. Reid recognized the behavior. 

She nodded to her bosses and gripped Morgan's hand. She was trying not to be needy, she was trying to be strong. 

"Just want to go home." she said again and laid her head on Mogan's shoulder. Derek looked at the men and his expression told them to make it quick.

Gideon nodded minutely and held out a hand, palm up, to Sasha. Hesitantly, she took it and relaxed a little at the familiar warmth.

"We're going to help you through this, Sasha." he said, patting his other hand over hers. Hotch and Rossi made agreement sounds and then they all left the room. 

When it was just Sasha and Morgan again, she seemed to deflate. Morgan moved his arm to wrap around her shoulders, hugging her to his chest. She hung on and just breathed.

********

Morgan was getting to study the injuries Reid sustained more intently. She was sitting next to him on the plane, staring out the window. 

His stomach was in knots, he could see more bruises darkening on her pale skin. There were purple striations on her elegant throat. Morgan's jaw tightened and his fist clenched. That fucker had strangled her at some point. Unwanted, his mind summoned images of when Hankle would have done that. It made his jaw clench tighter, enough that his teeth squeaked.

The trip was, thankfully, not a long one. When the jet landed, Derek gathered their go bags and handed them to Emily. He insisted on carrying Sasha down the steps.

She had stopped protesting, slipping into a passive silence during the flight. Derek recognized it as a coping mechanism and didn't trying to bring her out of it.

The team were all reluctant to leave Reid. They hung around, offering help while Derek loaded her into the passenger seat of his SUV. 

Thanking their family as warmly as he could, Derek assured them Sasha needed space right now. He did ask Garcia if she would come by in the morning.

"I'll need to go home and get some things. I am not willing to leave her alone." he said, they watched Sasha curl in on herself and pretend sleep.

"Of course, Honey." she said and squeezed his wrist. "You two try to get some rest." she said with so much love in her voice. He hugged her tight and then waved goodbye to the others.

The drive was silent and fraught with tension. Derek wanted to say things, ask things, but at the same time, knew he could not push her. She had to go at her own pace.

At Reid's apartment, he made two trips up the narrow stairs. First, to bring her up and second, to bring their things and lock up. When he got back, he found that Sasha was struggling to get to her feet. Dropping the bags, he rushed to her.

"Hey, where you going, Baby?" he asked gently. Sasha tried to shake his hands off. Her face was a mix of pain, anger and desperation.

"I need- I need--to take a shower." she said. Her facade was cracking in the safety and comfort of her home. Her loving pet had tried to snuggle up to her and she couldn't let him. Not while she was dirty. She began to pant frantically, her hands clutching at Morgan, while at the same time pushing him away. Her explosion of temper didn't surprise him, but the words she used did.

"I HAVE to get him the hell off me! I can't fucking stand it! I can still smell him! My hair reeks of that fucking shack!" she began to sob through gritted teeth. 

"I can still feel him---inside me!" she was nearing hysterical. "I didn't want his cum inside me anymore! I want all it gone!" She swayed on her unsteady feet and then almost fell. Derek caught her and lifted her into his arms.

"Ok, Baby." he said placidly and moved toward her bathroom. He knew she was working through her pain. He was willing to be her whipping post if need be. Setting her down on the closed commode, he brushed the hair from her eyes. 

"I will run you a bath. I doubt you can stand in a shower." He sounded brave and calm, but he was holding back his own tears. Sasha gripped his wrist and looked at him with golden eyes swimming.

"I-I am sorry." she said, suddenly calm. "I fought him, I didn't want to but I ended up letting him fuck me." Derek flinched at the words. Her emotions were shutting down, the clinical scientist coming to the fore. She was trying to distance herself from the event by making it sound impersonal and crass.

"You are the one I wanted to give my virginity to. I'm sorry I betrayed you, Derek. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep him from fucking me." her tone was flat and cold. It sucked the air from Morgan's lungs.

Derek instantly went to his knees before her. His hands clasped her face and he looked at her intently.

"You did nothing wrong. NOTHING! You hear me?" his voice shook with his held back emotions. "He did wrong, he took from you, stole what wasn't his. You didn't let him fuck you, Sasha. You didn't betray anyone." He said and the tears fell, despite his willing them to stop. Seeing his emotional dam breaking, Sasha was moved and her tears joined his.

"You are not to blame, Baby." he said his lips trembling. He leaned his forehead against hers, they both wept together. "I'm the one who is sorry, for not being there to protect you." he whispered and Sasha launched herself into his arms.

For a very long time he held her and they both wept. Sasha couldn't form words but she clung to Derek, hoping he understood, she didn't blame him.

When her crying and subsided to hiccups, Morgan helped her to sit again and set about running her a bath. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

"Do you want me to leave while you get in?" he asked, though he was loath to leave her alone when she could fall so easily. Reid shook her head and looked at him with imploring eyes. 

Her heart hammered her chest as the voice insisted he didn't want to see her body, that it disgusted him now.

"W-Would you be willing to s-stay?" she asked in a tiny voice. Derek silently cursed himself for his mistake and moved to catch her hands in his.

"I am not leaving you, Sasha. I just do not want to remind you of ANYTHING he did." He said and pulled her up into a hug. "Just tell me if you start to panic, ok?" He asked and was relieved when she gave a small nod. Derek steeled himself. This was not going to be easy or happy. 

He had imagined the first time he saw her body would be happy and lustful. Now he wondered if she'd ever be able to feel desire for him again. 

The thought broke Morgan's heart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Detailed talk about Rape.

The bath was a tense and emotional affair. Sasha seemed to trust him not to molest or ogle her. He was humbled by the trust she showed even in her fractured mental state. He kept her bandaged foot dry while she worked with a wash cloth. 

Derek had to take over, Reid began sobbing and trying to scrub her skin off. He was gentle and soothing, washing her hair and making sure she was clean. When he helped her to her bed, after she was dried and dressed in pj's, he carefully tended to rewrapping her foot.

Sasha was strangely quiet as he did this. He looked up at her often, trying to gage her mood. 

When he finished, he pulled a sock over her uninjured foot, to keep it warm. The sock was bright orange with little black bats on it. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and brushed her damp hair back. Her face was still marred by the dark bruises. He knew the damage went much deeper.

"You want to sleep or maybe eat something?" he asked softly. Reid shook her head and turned toward him. She reached out a shy hand, searching for his as it sat on the bed between them. She wasn't sure he could welcome her touch, she brushed her fingertips on his thumb.

"Will you lay here with me?" she asked in a whisper. He felt a pang at the fact she had to ask. Moving to lean against the headboard, he waited for her to come to him. He wasn't going to push her at this point. That would come later. After the shock had passed and the psychological defenses kicked in.

Reid shifted to lay her head on his muscled thigh. Her honey eyes turned away from him. She brushed her fingers on the denim of his jeans.

They sat in silence for a while. Derek combing his fingers in her wet hair and Sasha fidgeting with the fabric on his thigh. Suddenly she began to speak. Her voice was cool and in a way removed form what she was saying.

"When I split up from JJ, it wasn't a sound choice." she said and her flat voice filled the silence. Derek continued to carefully stroke her hair.

"It was dark, so visibility was low. There was movement in the corn. Sound was strange because of the audio dampening created by the stalks." She was relating to the story like she would a case about some one else, not her. 

Derek knew it was a distancing tactic and part of the acceptance process. He just had to be strong, face his own demons, in order to help Sasha with hers.

"The shots from the barn made me turn back. That's when he jumped me. He got my gun and, after having a fight with the Charles persona, he struck me with the butt." she clasped her fingers to his thigh.

"Next thing, we were in that shack, the burning fish guts were noxious. Charles was rough and condemning, Raphael cold and detached. The psychotic split became more pronounced as he ranted. Tobias was the one who was kind. He tried to help in the only way he knew how. The drugs were strong, hallucinatory. The beatings were targeted to break me down." she shifted her legs, drawing them to her chest.

"It was hard to keep a rational thought. The mind games were extremely complex with three personas. The drugs made my mind dull. I could have devised a faster clue for the team, had Tobias not ' _helped_ ' me." she sighed, as if irritated at his actions, instead of devastated. 

"Watching him kill that couple was horrifying. Charles was sure I was a sinner and a witch. I was attempting to appeal to him on his terms but then he changed suddenly. Flying into a rage and calling me whore." The word was the first time her monotone voice wavered. 

Derek ran his hand from her hair to her shoulder, rubbing in small circles. If she needed to get this out, he would endure. He really didn't want to know, after having to witness it by audio. But she needed to vent or purge air, just speak it, so her brilliant mind could work on accepting it. 

He knew she was strong, he knew she was beyond intelligent. But he also knew she was often at the mercy of her emotions when they got out of hand. 

"I can see now that challenging him calling me whore, with declaration of my v-virginity, was another bad choice." she said. Her grip on his thigh tightened.

"When he threw me down, I still couldn't b-believe it was happening." Derek noted that her detachment was slipping, there were emotions creeping into her words. She was holding on to him like he would pull away.

"I was fighting so hard, but my hands were cuffed and I was w-weakened by the drug, the dehydration and the beatings." She tried to get back to the profiler side of her mind. It wasn't working. 

Derek moved his hand to the spot on her back that hovered over her heart. He could feel the thumping beat of the frantic organ.

"I-I was thinking such emotional things." she said, her voice getting low with the thickness in her throat. Her chest tightened and she curled her arm around his leg.

"I kept th-thinking that it was all--all wrong. I didn't want him...I-I had chosen y-you." The words were growing breathy and pained. "I f-fought but it was futile." She shuddered a little and Derek was still. His own memory playing along side her recitation.

"I didn't want him to--- f-fuck me!" she said, her voice louder suddenly, there was anger in it this time. "When he started--fucking me, I thought-- I was going to die." She spoke through clenched teeth. 

Derek noticed she refused to say rape. It spoke of how she was trying to distance herself from the victims they dealt with. It also showed she was in the throws of blaming herself for letting the assault happen. All very typical reactions to this type of trauma. 

He knew he would have to help her face it soon, before she used her big brain to hide the feelings. That would only give her more problems down the road. Sasha's unraveling control was clear in her shaking voice and vice like grip.

"His h-hand was over my m-mouth and it was hard to breathe---s-screaming..." She was crying now. A warm wet patch was growing on his thigh where her head rested. Derek felt like his guts were being pulled out.

"It hurt more than I thought it would, he f-fucked me so hard. And all I-I could think was-- now D-Derek will never want m-me." she sobbed. He was stunned and torn by her words. She wasn't through however.

"It seemed l-like it went on forever but finally h-he --finished. I felt him c-cum." The confession was wrenched from her with a anguished sob. Derek was breathing shallowly through his gritting teeth.

"I hurt so bad. He left for a while. I-I d-don't know h-how long, think I blacked out. He was still fighting with the other personas. He was ranting and throwing things. I couldn't hold back a scream when he shattered a bottle close to where I lay." She trembled with the overwhelming emotions. "That brought Charles' attention back to me." 

Derek wanted the images in his head to stop. He wanted to scream at her to shut up, he didn't want to think about what that monster had done. But he couldn't give into his pain here. This was for Sasha's healing. It was difficult because her agony stirred up his own scars of sexual assault.

"The expression on his face was murderous. He came over and hit me some more. Then he-- fucked me again. This time, he choked me while doing it. I thought, now I _will_ die." The last word was gasped out in abject misery. Derek's eyes clenched tight at the discovery that she had been assaulted twice. 

"When he got off me, he shifted to Tobias. He pulled me up and put me in the chair again. I was numb." she finally turned toward Derek and her eyes were swimming.

"Tobias was so upset over what his father had done that he injected me again." She was sucking in short little breaths and shaking so badly.

"It was so hard to get out of the things running in my head. I think i gave in and confessed to being a whore and a witch, it's all muddled." she pressed her cheek to his chest, still crying.

"He called the team a coven and demanded I chose the first one to die, after me that is." she was starting to shift, her body rocked by the emotional purge, while being drawn instinctively to his for comfort and protection.

"The clue I hoped Hotch would get was all I could come up with in that state." She finally crawled into his lap and pressed her face to the crook of his neck. Her tears were still falling but the sobs were decreasing. 

The bulk of the agony, brought out by her confession, had passed. Now, she was bleeding emotionally, cleansing the wound in a sense. Derek held her in his arms and rubbed her back.

He wanted to hug her tight, to block out the pain and shield her from all that was tormenting her. He knew he couldn't. He knew the tight hold would panic her. So he just let her cling to him and offered gentle touches to safe non sexual areas.

"Sweetheart, you did brilliantly. Hotch got it right away." he assured her. Sasha quietly finished her recollection. She told him how she got the gun. How Tobias had spoken to her just before the team reached her and he died.

"I didn't want to kill Tobias. He hadn't wanted to hurt me." she whispered out and breathed in his scent. The comfort it brought was soothing to her.

"I wish I could forget." she hissed, her breath hot on his neck. "But every time I close my eyes, I see him." she wrapped her arms around his torso and shivered. "Please, don't leave me. I know you probably don't want me anymore, but I don't think I could deal with being a lone right now." she said, so low he almost missed it. He stiffened and cupped her bruised face in both his hands. 

"Look at me, Sasha." he said, his voice shaking with all he felt. "What did I tell you in the hospital?" His dark eyes were bright with his passionate emotions.

"I love you. I am not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you." he vowed again, knowing it wouldn't be the last time he had to repeat the words. Sasha looked into his eyes trying to find a flicker of dishonesty. She found none. Letting out a shuddering sigh she pressed her cheek to his collarbone and shivered.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. But thank you for being here." she said and fell silent at last.

Derek stared out the window at the night sky. He wanted to break things, he wanted to scream. He wanted to break down and weep. 

Instead, he held her and hoped he would be enough.


	7. Chapter 7

The night passed fitfully for them both. Sasha slept in short spurts, always coming awake with a cry and clutching Derek's body with her shaking hands.

Derek dozed, never really getting sleep. When she would wake from a nightmare, he would comfort her as best he could. He was doing everything he could think of.

When the light began to filter through the drapes, he settled her on the sofa with a big blanket. He tried to explain he was going to make some coffee. This seemed to make it through the sleep haze and she made an agreeing sound. As he walked into the kitchen, Aristotle curled around his ankles mewing softly.

"Hey, buddy." he said softly, bending to scoop the cat into his arms. Derek didn't often get along with cats but Aris was different, much like his mistress.

He scratched behind the cat's ears and set him down on his cat table. Derek had been greatly amused when Sasha had shown him Aristotle's table in the small kitchen. She felt it was only fair since he spent more time in the flat than she did. 

The little round table had a red plastic table cloth on it that was decorated with fish and birds. His dishes sat on the place mat in the center.

Derek filled the empty crunchie bowl and then freshened the water. The cat tucked in, purring as he ate. Derek had to smile at the simple affection of the animal.

He got himself a glass of water and leaned against the counter. He ran his hands over his face and up to scratch his head. Feeling like he hadn't slept in days, the grieved man let out a long slow breath, rapidly blinking his itchy tired eyes.

He needed to go to his place and get some things together. He needed to make sure Mrs. Keller, next door, didn't mind a few more days with Clooney detail. He needed to step away for a little bit and let the things out he couldn't in front of Sasha.

He picked up his cell from the table and hit the speed dial for Garcia. The line buzzed twice as he looked at the munching cat. Garcia's voice piped up and he was surprised that she managed to sound perky.

"Morning, my Chocolate DemiGod, I was going to stop and get some yummies before I came over. Sasha loves bavarian cream doughnuts and triple shot mochas." she spoke rapidly, needing to say something light and more normal. She didn't want to dwell on what her 'Baby Doll Genius' was dealing with. She wanted to be the happy for Sasha and Derek.

He smiled into the phone and gave a little dry laugh.

"Yeah, I just need you to stay with her for a little while. I need to get my stuff and do a few things." he said as he peeked into the living room to check on Sasha.

"Not a problem, my chickadee. I am on my way in ten." she said and then paused to clear her throat. "How is she?" The words were whispered and more than a little worried.

"She is coping. She is trying to sleep right now, but it doesn't last long." Derek rubbed the curious cat as he drank from the water bowl. "She is distancing herself." Garcia made a pained little sound.

"Okay, be there in a jiffy." she said, making kissy sounds into the phone before hanging up.

Gathering his wits, he walked out to the living room, followed closely by the inquisitive cat. 

He watch Sasha for a few beats. Noting the way her bruises had darkened, somehow looking more fearsome. The drawn look to her face, the way her fingers clutched the blanket. He crouched down and stroked her hair with shaky fingers.

"Hey, Baby." he said softly. Reid 's face creased and she made a low sound. "I need to talk to you." he said and waited until she opened her eyes. Well, opened one all the way and squinted with the swollen one.

"I was going to make you some coffee, but Garcia is on her way with something better than I could make." He gave her a small smile. Sasha looked momentarily frightened before her face smoothed out again.

"O-ok." she rasped and turned to look at him, awake but still very exhausted. "Y-you going to check on Clooney?" she asked and showed she was more aware than he thought.

"Yeah, want to make sure Mrs. Keller doesn't have to pay for his food. And I need to get some things. I shouldn't be more than an hour or two." he said and looked at her thoughtfully.

"You mind entertaining Penny while I go do that?" He smiled at her with more of a natural ease. Reid sat up more and pulled her unbandaged leg to her chest. She laid her good cheek on her knee and smiled ever so slightly at him.

"Yeah, I think I can do that." she whispered. "Especially if she is bringing what I think she is bringing." she said and closed her eyes for a moment. Derek's chest tightened. 

"She loves you Sasha, she is going to want to help." his voice was low and calm. Reid nodded her head and blinked back the tears that were ever present. She gave a forced laugh and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"I know. Just...." she reached a hand out to him. "Come back..." she spoke and her lips quivered. Derek moved to take her into his arms and he rocked her from side to side.

"I'm not leaving you, Sasha. I will be back in a little while. I love you." he said with the conviction of his feelings behind each word.

********

To be honest, Reid was distracted by Penelope's chatter and sugared treats. She had put on a face for her friend and co worker, if only to feel normal. But soon it began to feel normal and she could forget about the horror for while. They chatted and watched cartoons with Aristotle, on the sofa. Much like they had many times in the past.

Before they knew it, Derek was back, looking much refreshed. He came in shaking the rain from his jacket and smiled at them, his girls. 

"Well hello, Gorgeous!" Garcia said and whistled at him. Sasha chuckled and scarfed another doughnut, getting chocolate on her nose. 

"It waited until I was crossing the street to start pissing down." he groused and hung his coat on the hooks by the door.

Derek came over to join them. He wiped the chocolate off Sasha's nose with the tip of his finger and winked. She sighed and shrugged.

"So, I get into my food, nothing wrong with that." They all laughed and Penny made a show of checking her watch.

"OH shit, I have to go. Kevin is waiting for me and we have plans." She gathered up her things and tried her best to not look like she was fleeing.

"Thanks, Pen." Sasha said, when the tech was ready to go. Garcia shook her head and smiled with so much feeling in her eyes.

"You just try and keep me away from my ducklings." she said softly, before kissing them both on the cheek and patting the cat and leaving. 

Derek arched a brow as she slammed the door.

"Ducklings?" he asked, making Sasha laugh hard enough to jar her ribs. Wincing she leaned back on the pillows and sighed.

Reid looked over Derek, he stood holding her cat and petting the soft black fur. His eyes were tired and his color was washed out a little. She felt the guilt poke at her. Derek and the cat were bonding rather affectionally.

"He likes you." she said, just to make conversation. "He doesn't usually like men." she added and shifted on the sofa. Derek set the cat down and moved to sit on the coffee table facing her.

"He's very bright, like his owner." Derek smiled and reached out to cup her chin. He could see the lines next to her eyes and he frowned. "You didn't take the meds yet, did you?" he asked and Sasha shook her head trying to pull out of the touch.

"I found it was easier, with Pen, to pretend we were just having a girls saturday morning." she said and sighed. Derek gave a little chuckle and cocked his head. Sasha shrugged. 

"Sometimes we do that." she said and looked a little shy. "Usually JJ and Emily are invited but more often than not, it's me and Pen." 

Derek's smile grew as he pictured it. The team's females, all gathered with coffee and pastry, watching cartoons and gossiping. It was a very heart warming image. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sasha's unbruised cheek.

"That sounds like something I wouldn't mind seeing." he said and the air between them suddenly felt charged. He slowly eased back, knowing he was crowding her. It wasn't logical but he understood it just the same. Reid recovered herself and cleared her throat.

"I made an appointment with my doctor, while Pen was fussing in the kitchen. They can get me in at noon." She said and looked at him with a wavering smile. "Y-you can come with me?" 

She still couldn't believe he wasn't going to bolt. She knew it had to be irritating for Morgan but she couldn't help it. The abandonment issues already had deep roots. Derek nodded his head and moved to help her to her feet. 

"Yes, Let's get you ready. Maybe we can get lunch on the way back." he suggested, not letting her need to keep asking for his presence bother him.

"Kay." she said and let him mostly carry her to the bedroom.

*******

The doctor visit had been like being trapped in a bad dream for Sasha. The rehash of what had been done to her. The examination that made her feel weak and exposed. The cautions and instructions given for her recovery. The insistence that she begin seeing a therapist as soon as possible.

Reid leaned her head against the window and watched the rain swept cityscape as it went by. Derek was being quiet, letting her think and work through things. 

Without asking, he stopped at their diner and went in to get a bag Hal already had wrapped up for him. 

Getting back in the car and setting the bag on the back seat, he smiled at Sasha's curious look. The scent of burgers and fries and other delicious things wafted up making Sasha suddenly starving.

"I called Hal and Mary while you were finishing up with the doc. Told them you weren't feeling well and we needed all the best stuff." Derek explained as she smiled at him with glassy eyes. She reached over and grasped his hand in hers. He pulled out and drove the little way down the road.

Sasha felt a warmth rush through her. He had thought ahead, he had thought to get comfort foods they had shared in the past.

His actions all day had contradicted the dark voice in her head. He wasn't trying to get away from her. He wasn't condemning her. He didn't avoid contact.

He said he loved her. She was encouraged by that fact. 

When they were safely back inside her flat, Sasha watched Derek. He was moving about, unpacking their lunch and making sure Aris had his treats. He arranged the food on plates and talked to the little animal with ease.

Her love for him hadn't diminished. But there was fear in her reactions. The fear was something she knew she'd have face. But watching this strong and intelligent man, as he went out of his way to care for her, made her heart feel so full it almost hurt.

Derek brought the plates out to the living room. Setting it all down, he sat on the floor opposite her, the coffee table between them. Aristotle rubbed against Derek's back as he moved to hop up next to his mistress and nuzzled her arm.

Derek named everything laid out for them and whistled at how thorough Hal had been, profiler thorough. They chuckled at that and he offered her a togo cup with a pink straw.

Sasha took it, hoping it would be what she wanted it to be. Putting the straw to her lips, she pulled on it. There was a beat before her mouth was filled with the rich flavor of vanilla, cream and fresh strawberries. She gave a low groan of delight. The treat soothed her throat and sent wonderful feeling to her taste buds.

Derek watched her enjoyment of the milk shake and his heart was lightened by it.

'She could do this. She was strong enough' he thought to himself and smiled wider. Sasha set the cup on the table and reached for the cheese fries.

"Where does Hal get strawberries in November?" she asked stuffed several drippy fries in her mouth and offering one to the insistent cat. He snatched the fry and scampered off to eat it on the windowsill.

"I'm not sure, Baby. I'm just glad he does." Derek said and handed her a napkin. She chuckled and went to shift in her position. She grimaced suddenly.

The pain of her ribs reminded her of everything and she stilled a moment. Her breathing was shallow as she regained control. Derek watched with his own held breath, until she was easing back into the mood.

They made a dent in the fries and cheese sticks. Sasha told him a funny story Gracia had shared. They laughed and felt the normality of the moment. Sasha looked at him with wide golden eyes.

"Thanks for doing ....everything, Derek." she said and reached for his hand. He grasped her fingers and gave her the most sincere expression he owned.

"No thanks needed, Baby. I'd do anything for you." He kissed her fingers and then placed a paper wrapped cheese burger in them.

"Now, eat." he said and winked at her. "Mama always said everything is easier to face, after a good meal." Sasha smiled, a real smile, and unwrapped the sandwich.

"That might be true for most things but I am sure pre-med students would disagree." she said and sank her teeth into the juicy burger. Derek laughed and shook his head.

"This is true." he agreed and they passed the meal in a pleasant warmth. Derek knew it was a good sign but the difficult parts were far from over. This was only a pause, before she had to face the night's sleep. There would be more hard points ahead. More pain and more healing.

For now, they took the easy enjoyment they could and tried to forget the darkness they had survived.


	8. Chapter 8

Derek sat in his truck and ran his hands over his face. Glancing at the building outside his window, he wondered what Sasha's mood was going to be tonight.

It had been just over a month since the abduction and assault. His beautiful broken genius had been through the gamut of emotions and stages of healing.

He had known the anger and rage were coming. He knew only too well how this went. But he hadn't been prepared for how fast it came on.

They had been sitting in her living-room watching TV with Aris on their laps. It was early evening and Derek liked that she was comfortable enough to lean against him.

The show they were watching ended and Derek sat forward to stretch. He gave a little yawn and turned to smile at Sasha.

"Want to order a pizz---Sasha, what's wrong?" he asked suddenly seeing the dark expression on the young woman's face. She slowly struggled to her feet and crossed her arms over her torso. Shaking her head, she limped painfully to the window and gave him her back. 

Derek was lost, he slowly got up and walked toward her. Her narrow back tensed and she turned around, her golden eyes dark with rage.

"Where were you?!?!?! Why did it take you so long???" she screamed and swatted his hand as he reached to touch her shoulder.

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" he asked, trying to get her to look at him. She pushed his chest with both hands.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU GET TO ME IN TIME!!" she shouted and the cat scampered into the bedroom to hide under the bed. Derek felt his blood chill and he stepped back.

"Sasha, I wanted more than anything to get to you. I didn't know where he took you." he said softly, knowing that nothing he said would be the right answer. She shook her head violently. 

"You failed me." she snapped. "That evil bastard raped me and you weren't there to stop him." she seethed. Derek had to note it was the first time she used the word rape. He stepped to her and nodded his head, despite the hurt her words gave him. 

"I did fail you, Baby. I will regret that for the rest of my life." His voice shook as he spoke. Sasha looked at him, her angry face melting into tears as she fell against him.

"I'm s-s-sorry." she cried, gripping his shirt and nearing incoherent. "I d-d-din't m-mean it." Derek's arms wrapped around her and he sighed into her hair.

"I know, Pretty Girl. Let it out." He rocked her side to side as she vented. Whispering soft words of love and comfort to her.

Then there was the day he took her to a check up her doctor was insisting on. She was more nervous than she had been the first visit. He reached out to take her hand and she hissed, pulling away and looking at him with huge forsaken eyes.

"Don't touch me." she said, turning away and staring out the window. No tears, no explanation. She was cold and distant.

He let it go, he knew the doctor always made her nervous and upset. The last visit had given the thankful news that she hadn't contracted anything deadly or chronic from the assault. Still she hated the exams and the questions. He didn't blame her.

Then there was another explosion of anger when Derek has expressed excitement at how quickly she was healing. She was moving around without the crutches and her foot could take most of the normal weight.

"Yeah, I bet you just can't wait for me to be healed so you can leave me in the fucking dust!" she hissed at him when they got back to her place. She picked up a glass from the counter and hurled it at his head.

"GO! GET OUT!" she shrieked and grabbed a book. "Leave like every man does!" She was in a dark cycle. She hadn't been violent like this yet. Morgan didn't want to try and restrain her in fear she would hurt herself struggling.

He ducked the objects she threw and tried to get her to calm down. She screamed obscenities and threw everything she got her hands on. 

It was when one of her thrown items, a glass paper weight hit true that she finally stopped. The heavy round glass object caught him in the shoulder and made him cry out at the pain. 

Dropping the mug she had snatched up, Sasha hobble to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She sobbed and begged him to forgive her. He was hurt and bruised but he knew she really hadn't mean to hurt him.

Now sitting in his truck, he wondered if she would be depressed or enraged or simply not-there, when he went up the stairs. He was afraid of the not-there option the most. 

When she stared and didn't respond or react. Just empty and blank. It froze his heart and made him fear the effects of the trauma on her psyche.

Gathering his wits, he climbed out of the truck. He knew this was all part of the process and he loved her enough to weather it's storms. 

He climbed the narrow stairs and knock on the door before fishing his key out. She had given him one just after they got back from Georgia. Just in case something happened and he needed to get in.

The handle turned as he tried to put the key in. He looked up as it opened and saw Sasha with a wide smile on her lips. 

"Thought I heard the downstairs door." she said and stepped back to let him in. She was dressed in her over sized black silk pajamas. She must have just gotten out of the shower. He mused to himself as he caught the scent of citrus from the damp locks she had tied up on her head.

Feeling a little impressed with her warm demeanor, Derek walked into the living room, He was greeted by the friendly little black cat.

"Hey little man." he said petting the animal and then reaching into his jacket to pull out a small paper bag.

"I got him a toy." he said, smiling sheepishly. Reid chuckled and stepped up close to him. She reached for his jacket to hang it up.

"I'm sure he will love it, he thinks you're his play mate." she snickered and hung the coat on a hook. Padding her way back, she motioned for him to sit.

"I made cocoa." she said and he gave her a bright smile. She slipped into the kitchen as he unwrapped the catnip mouse for Aristotle. When she returned, limping only a little, she had two mugs. Derek was laughing at the cat's antics with the toy.

Sitting down next to him, she offered a mug. Morgan took it and thanked her for the drink. Reid curled her legs under her, leaving the still injured foot sticking out. She leaned against his shoulder and sipped from the cup.

"MMmm, I am so glad I got the good cocoa. It's a treat." her voice was smooth and silky. Derek felt the back of his neck tingle a little and he stopped playing with the cat.

He smiled and sipped from his own mug. She was right, it was delicious and he let her know it. 

There was something bothering him. he couldn't put his finger on it but something was off, somehow.

"You feeling ok, Pretty Girl?" he asked after drinking most of his mug. She smiled a bright smile and shook her head.

"I'm feeling wonderful." she said and shifted a little closer to him. "Thought we could just spend a little time together, you and me." she added and looked at him with wide eyes. Derek raised a brow but nodded.

"Whatever you want, Baby." he said and slipped his arm along her shoulders. He did it slowly, knowing she was still jumpy about being touched. She didn't flinch but snuggled more closely into his embrace.

They finished their drinks and Sasha kept pressing closer to the warmth of Derek's body. He was starting to understand what was making him feel off. 

He knew this stage. He had hoped that she wouldn't go through it, and if she did, it wouldn't be long. Now faced with the possibility, he was trying to deal with her delicately.

Sasha let her hand fall to his leg and she stroked slowly while staring at the TV. They were watching an old movie but Reid was doing her best to distract him from it.

By the next commercial, Reid was nuzzling his neck and inching her hand higher on his thigh. Bracing for a fight, Derek caught her hand and stilled it's movement.

"Baby, are you bored with the movie?" he asked, trying to stay neutral. Reid leaned back and looked a little wary.

"I like it well enough. I just like you better." she said and smiled crookedly. God, how that smile made his insides melt. But he knew she wasn't ready yet. This was an attempt to pretend that nothing had happened and she was fine.

Sasha pressed a kiss to his lips as her slim body climbed into his lap. Her kiss deepened and her hands clung to his shoulders with more force than needed. 

She was trying to keep the shaking of her hands from showing. She was terrified but she just wanted to get past the fear. Before Hankle, she had wanted Derek like this. She had craved it. She wanted that again. 

She wanted to be Sasha Reid again.

Derek eased out of the kiss and held her face in his hands. He looked at her and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Sasha, Baby. I don't think you really want this." he spoke in his most tender tone as he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

Sasha felt like she had been punched in the gut. Stiffening, she pulled away.

"I'm sorry." she said in a cold tone and struggled to get off his lap. He tried to slow her, to keep her from falling in her haste.

"Let me go." she said in a broken tone. He did as she asked and hoped she wasn't going to get angry. She stumbled a little and stepped away from him with a pained look. 

"I shouldn't have done that." she said and slipped to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

Derek crossed the room and crouched down in front of her. He lifted her chin and was wounded by the pain in her face.

"Sash, I didn't mean anything bad about it. I love you. I want you. But I want it to be something you feel, not an attempt to pretend nothing happened to you." he said and held her chin. His eyes grew wet and he leaned in, kissing her softly.

"You are my girl, nothing can change that. When the time is right, when you really feel it. You can give me what you want to. And I will love you no less between then and now." he vowed. "You said you wanted to give me your virginity, and Baby, that is something only you can give. Don't throw away that moment just to pretend." 

Sasha was stunned by his words and she bit her bottom lip hard. Her heart thumped her chest like a rapid.

"I-I was scared but I just want--" she sighed dejectedly. "I just want to be the way we used to be." she looked up at him with a soul deep need in her eyes. "I don't want to lose that." she whispered and looked away. Derek helped her to stand back up.

"You won't lose it, Baby." he said softly and tucked a lose lock of hair back and took her hand. "How about we order a pizza and make some more of that cocoa?" he suggested. Sasha smiled a little and nodded her head.

"Kay, but no pineapple this time." she said scrunching her nose in distaste. Derek chuckled and pulled her in for a quick hug.

"Ok, Pretty Girl. No pineapple, you got it." he said and pulled out his cell. Sasha got their cups and went back to the kitchen, Aristotle trotting behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek glared into the crowd of people. The bar as busy but not overly full. His gaze quickly found his target.   
Sasha was sitting at the end of the bar. Empty glasses before her in a row. A tall guy with sandy blonde hair was leaning in saying something to her. There was a glazed look about the girl. Derek felt his blood boil.   
There was acting out and there was acting stupid. For a genius Sasha was sure acting stupid.

He cut through the people and was standing at her side in a few moments.

"Care to explain why you stood me up?" He said in a deep but hard tone. Sasha and the guy both looked up in surprise. Morgan couldn't help but notice the man's hand on her thigh. Her outfit made the profiler angrier. Sasha wasn't prone to overtly sexual clothing. This was not her normal look.

Short tight skirt and skimpy top, showing far more skin than the shy genius would. She was looking for the attention and he had to wonder if she had changed her mind about them.

"Derek." Sasha said and smiled coldly. "Thought maybe you had better things to do." she hissed. The man next to her seemed to perk up at her cold words. Derek was stung by her barbs, his teeth ground as he tried to keep his cool. Tried to remember she was still in the process of healing.

"There something we can do for you, man?" Blondie asked and tightened his fingers on the girl's bare thigh. Derek's jaw twitched. He wanted nothing more than to put his fist down this fucker's throat. Morgan had his own issues from all this and the sight of another man with his hands on her made, his vision narrow. He had to clench his fists on the bar to keep from decking the man.

"Yeah, man, you can get your fucking hand off my girl's leg." he said in a dark tone. The man blinked and took his hand away. The look in Morgan's eyes was too real for him to play games.

"Sorry. She didn't say." he said sourly and moved on. Derek looked at Sasha and his heart thumped painfully. She was glaring at him with rage in her honey eyes.

"Thanks a lot!" she snapped and waved for another drink. "Took me two hours to get anyone to come close!" Morgan grabbed her wrist and pulled it down. 

"I think you've had enough." he said. There was steel in his voice. "We are leaving." He growled slapping bills on the bar and yanking her off the stool. Sasha's cheeks burned red but she was too embarrassed by the staring looks to scream at the man.

Outside in the parking lot, she had no issue. Pulling away, she swung her left hand in a unexpected punch that caught Derek in the shoulder. 

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" she shouted and backed up a few steps. "You don't want me for yourself but you don't want anyone else to have me either! Is that it?" she demanded, her chest heaving with raging emotions. Derek looked stunned at both the punch and the screamed words. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked and shook his head. "When the fuck have I ever said I don't want you?" he asked with barely controled anger of his own. He was vibrating with all he was feeling. Sasha made a nasty face and shook her head.

"Every time I have tried to get you to have sex with me. You say not yet. Not now." She mocked him with a whiney voice. Punching him in the shoulder again she screamed some more.

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?" Her pretty face was twisted in a scowl. Dismissing him drunkenly, Sasha turned on her heel and walked toward the road. She was drunk and spirlaling. 

"You think it's all about you!" He shouted kicked a trash can. "How the fuck do you think I felt to find you with some fucking jackoff pawing at you?" he shouted making her stop in her tracks. Reid looked over her shoulder and her hazel eyes were like slits.

"I don't know, Morgan. How did it feel? Maybe like I felt every time the team went out together and you would end up dry humping everything with tits EXCEPT me? Maybe? You think?" she verbally slashed at him before moving once more toward the street.

Morgan winced and had to take a deep breath. This was not the way to deal with her acting out. He needed get something other than booze in her so they could talk.

Derek ran after her and caught her from behind. His arms going around her waist. He held her still and whispered into her ear as she struggled.

"Stop, Baby, stop. You know I love you. I want you." he said and and caught her hands in his. His warm breath playing over her ear. "I above all the others know what you are thinking and feeling. Remember that?" he rocked her side to side as she began to relax into his arms. "If I said no, it was because I didn't think WE were ready, baby." Reid began to cry. She didn't know what had possesed her to get dressed like this and go to the bar. She turned in his arms and pressed her face to his chest.

"I-I'm s-sorry..." she wept and began to shake. Morgan closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. He knew what was going on but it didn't mean he was ok with her actions. He hugged her tightly.

"Let's get out of here." he said turning her toward the car. Sniffling she allowed him to put her in the passenger seat. She felt so stupid and low for trying to do what she did.

Instead of going to Sasha's flat, Derek took her to the diner. She looked startled and questioning. Derek took her hand and kissed the knuckles.

"We found the courage to admit our love here. We haven't spent any time here since....well since it happened." his voice was low and warm. "I think the best thing to sober you up would be some of Hal's chili fries." he said and then leaned across to kiss her tenderly. Sasha returned the kiss and felt her hands tremble.

"How do you put up with me?" she whispered against his lips. Derek cupped her cheek and smiled a little sadly.

"Pretty Girl, I love you. And no matter how long it takes, I'm gonna keep telling and showing you that, until you believe me."

Sasha gave a little shuddering breath and pressed her cheek to his palm. 

They went into the diner and were greeted by the staff. Once they were settled into 'their' booth Sasha looked at Derek and her brows furrowed.

"What?" he asked adding sugar to the mug of coffee Mary had brought for Sasha. 

"How did you find me there?" she asked and leaned her arms on the table. Derek pushed the mug to her and smirked.

"Two words." he said holding up his fingers. "Penelope Garcia." Reid sipped her coffee and smiled. 

"I should have known." she replied and leaned back in the seat. Derek had gotten her coffee perfect. It was warming her nicely. She looked at the mug and then at Derek.

"I am sorry. Really." she said in a small voice. Morgan reached to brush her fingers with his.

"I know, Pretty Girl." he said and smiled with all the love he felt for her.

**************

Derek was back at work a month after Sasha's ordeal. It was another month before she began the required therapy sessions with a birdlike woman named Dr. Parker.

Sasha was bored by these sessions. She knew more about psychology than the doctor. She knew how her own mind worked and she knew what she had to face. It was almost too easy for her to lead the woman around in mental circles. Derek would frown and scolded her with an exasperated "Baby Girl, you can't avoid this." But for now she enjoyed making the therapist think she was borderline personality disordered.

The first time Derek had to go away on a case, Sasha was nervous. She knew that there was no reason to feel that way but still, having Morgan far away rather than the 15 minutes he normally was, made her stressed.

He called her the first night he was away and talked to her for over an hour. She had bad dreams despite the comforting call. 

The second night the dreams were so bad, she woke screaming and sobbing. Her poor little cat skittering away when she bolted up in bed. Shivering, she got out of bed and turned on every light in the flat.

After walking around the whole apartment three times, she sat on the sofa and called Garcia.

The tech was sleepy but concerned when she answered the phone. After much waffling and stuttering on Sasha's part, Garcia agreed to come over and keep her company.

The bubbly woman made it like a slumber party. Sasha slept like a rock with Aristotle and Penelope in bed with her.

It was almost two weeks later when Sasha turned to her boyfriend and took his hand. Derek looked curious and switched off the show they had finished watching. He moved his body to face her. 

"What's up, Pretty Girl?" he asked gently and rubbed his thumb on her hand. Reid smiled nervously and then leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. Morgan watched her face as she drew back. His heart was thumping in his chest, he saw her cheeks flush a peachy color.

"Will you--t-t- touch me?" she asked in a small voice. Derek let out a slow breath and pulled her hand closer.

"Of course, Sash." he said with a trembling in his tone. She leaned in closer to him and whispered in a breathy voice.

"C-can we take a b-bath?" Her face was hopeful and a little skittish. Morgan swallowed the thickness in his throat and threaded his fingers into her hair.

"If you'd like that then, yes, we could." he spoke carefully. Sasha slowly stood up and held out a hand to him. He let her lead him to the little bathroom. 

Turning from him, she started the tub filling and added some lemon scented bath beads. 

Derek waited for her cues. He didn't want to spook her or push her faster than she could take. This was a big step. Sasha was initiating intimacy without going too far too fast. 

Still blushing, she began to unbutton her pajama top. Derek reached out and stilled her fingers. 

"Let me help?" he asked and waited for her tiny nod. Taking a gentle kiss as he undid the buttons, Morgan slowly drew the fabric over her shoulders. 

Sasha could feel her pulse beating in her temple. She was terrified but also oddly at peace. She wanted this. She needed to be close to Derek again.

They languorously removed each other's clothing. When they were down to their underwear, Derek paused. 

Knowing he was being careful with her, Sasha took the lead again and slipped her panties off, before kicking them aside. 

Morgan let out a slow breath and cupped her face with both hands. 

"You are so beautiful." he breathed into her mouth making her moan. He kissed her deeply, letting their bodies move against each other. 

When the kiss broke, Sasha turned to get in the tub. She settled down and leaned forward. Morgan realized she wanted him to get in behind her. Hesitating for a second, he decided to leave his boxers on. He wanted to give her some symbol of his self restraint.

Reid took note of the action and her heart eased a little more. His concern for her comfort was deeply touching.

Derek settled back against the tub and let her leaned on his chest. The contact of her back to his chest, with nothing between them, was wonderfully satisfying. He looped his arms around her but didn't tighten them. She threaded their fingers together and sighed. 

They lay in the warm water, just being together for a while. Slowly, she brought his hand up to the small swell of her breast.

"Touch me." she said. Morgan let his large palm cover her breast. The warmth was pleasant and the touch made her arch a little into his hand. With tender attention, he began to stroke her torso. Exploring her body as he hadn't had the chance to. Finding the spots that made her gasp or tremble. 

His breath warm in her ear, she felt a liquid like sensation well in her belly. When his stroking wasn't enough anymore, she caught one wandering hand and drew it down lower, under the water.

Stilling his touch, Derek let her guide him where she wanted. The first soft brush of her folds made his cock stiffen against her back. He gulped a little, hoping it wasn't going to ruin the moment for her.

Sasha was thrilled at his response. He still desired her. He wasn't disgusted by her. She lifted her hips a bit, urging him to touch her little mound.

He began to explore her sex. His fingers rubbing and stroking the velvet folds. Until he found the little button of flesh that made her arch up and cry out in pleasure. 

Sasha reached one hand back to clasp his head, the other gripped his knee. Turning her face, she sought his mouth with hers.

The kiss was much more intense than the previous kisses had been. There was heat in this kiss.

Derek worked skillfully to bring her up and up and up. She was trembling and panting in a matter of minutes. Nipping at his mouth, mewling and gasping.

"That's it, Baby." he whispered into her ear. "Just let go. Cum for me." he said and she jolted as the climax washed over her small body. Calling his name, she felt her body explode in a million fragments of light. 

Morgan watched her with a little awe. She was undeniably beautiful all the time. But watching her come apart at his touch, she was breathtaking.

As she panted and lay limply against him, he stroked her belly and whispered nonsense in her ear.

Blinking glassy eyes up at him, Sasha turned her body to lean her side against his chest. She took a long deep kiss from his mouth. 

Derek felt his chest expand as she sucked his bottom lip. He was shocked when the next thing he felt was her slender fingers slipping into his wet shorts.

"Sash--you don't h---" he started to protest but she stilled his words with another kiss. Her seeking hand found his length and began to fist it.

Opening her large eyes, she watched him from very close. She studied the way his expression told of the pleasure she was giving him. She stroked faster, liking the way he panted her name. 

When she thought he was close, Sasha leaned in and sucked at the pulse point on his throat.

Derek gave a horse shout and his orgasm ambushed him. The member in Sasha's hand swelled and then spilled.

The couple lay in easy bliss for a while. When it was determined that they were getting pruned, they got out and dried off. Wrapping a towel around her shoulders, Sash looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"Sleep with me?" she asked. He sucked in a breath and she shook her head. "Just sleep." she added quickly. Morgan smiled warmly and nodded his head.

"Nowhere I'd rather be, Baby."


	10. Chapter 10

Garcia was fussing and putting the finishing touches on the spread of snacks. Emily laughed and shook her head.

"Relax, Pen. It's Sasha, you know if it's junk food, she'll love it." she said and handed the blonde a drink. "I know you are stressing, but if you keep it up she will read it and that will make the whole night a waste." she advised softly. Garcia nodded her head and took a sip from the glass.

"I know. I just want everything to be perfect. I want Sasha to feel ...normal." she said the last word coming out a pained whisper. Emily nodded her dark head solemnly. 

"Me too." she said and then turned away to hide the emotion she hated to express. The action was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"That will be JJ and Reid." Penelope said brightening and scurrying to the door.

The greetings were loud and warm. Garcia enveloping the thin woman in a tight hug, before letting her go to hug JJ. 

Sasha was looking very well. Her golden eyes bright and filled with mischief. She ambled into the room and got a quick hug from Emily before making a beeline for the snack table.

"This is amazing, Pen." she called out, stuffing a mini cupcake in her mouth. JJ laughed and handed her a napkin while Garcia set about getting them drinks.

They soon settled into the comfortable furniture of Garcia's flat. Sasha sat in the seat of honor as Penny called it. The futon chair was one of those round basket types with a detached base. She sat in the middle of the bright purple pillow with her feet tucked under her. The cosmo in her hand was just being refilled, when Emily pipped up with the question that had been burning in all three of their minds for months now.

"So Sash, you and Derek. How long has that been going?" she asked and her eyes flash mirth at the blush that spread over the pretty girl's cheeks. Sasha smiled and bit her bottom lip.

"Oh, yeah..ummm well...it's kinda weird." she said as Garcia took her seat and beamed with joy. JJ watched the genius with affection, and a little worry that this subject could get too close to the one they all avoided.

"Yeah weird that Rossi was the only one who caught on." JJ said and sipped her drink. Sasha giggled and nodded.

"Yeah that was weird but that isn't what I meant." The young profiler leaned forward a bit and began to talk with her free hand. "I mean weird at how it happened." she smiled shyly and then took a fortifying sip. Garcia let out a squeal and clapped her hands.

"I think it's divine intervention. You and my chocolate thunder were made for each other." Her enthusiasm was over flowing. Reid chuckled and leaned back once more.

"It started after...Chicago." she said softly. There was a fleeting chilled moment and then she moved on. "We started meeting at this diner by my place. When we couldn't sleep or the case had been hard. Usually around 2 or 3 in the morning." She blushed again at the beaming faces. 

"We just kept meeting and talking and Derek would insist on walking me the three blocks home." She stopped when Garcia made another excited sound. They all laughed and teased her for a minute. Reid was warmed by her friend's interest in her story.

"So, you two were having secret rendezvous after hours. Very romantic." JJ said and winked at Sasha. The genius shrugged and smiled wider.

"He was different, more open. And then there was that case with the kids and he was so torn up by it. We bonded over ice cream and I just knew I wanted things between us to be more." her voice was deep and throaty. They all seemed to be holding their breath.

"When he walked me to my door, I kissed him." she said and ducked her head with a bright flush. The three women erupted in hoots and hollers.

"Way to go, Reid!" Emily said and saluted with her drink.

"I never would have guessed you were the instigator, Sash." JJ said and grinned like a little girl.

Garcia was practically wiggling with glee. She clapped her hands again and jumped up to refresh everyone's drinks.

"A toast!" she shouted, raising her glass and standing next to Sasha's chair. "To Sasha Reid, the woman with the ovaries to make the first move on Derek Morgan!" There was a round of here here's and they all drank. 

Laughter and giggles as they pressed her for details as to how serious the relationship was. Shash shifted a little and her smile grew crooked. 

"We are very close. He loves me. he tells me all the time. And he is so patient with me." she spoke slowly and fidgeted with her sleeve. "I don't know what I would have done without him these past two months." she smiled up at her friends with glassy eyes. They all looked back with sympathy that didn't bother her for once. This was a time she could take it for the love that inspired it.

"I'm so in love with him it scares me sometimes." she confessed and was immediately enveloped in a hug from Penelope.

"You are much loved, Sasha." Garcia whispered and then pulled back as they smiled at each other with tears in their eyes. 

Once the mushy moment had passed, JJ declared that a chick flick was in order. Penny put in Steel Magnolias and mixed up another pitcher of cosmos for them. They all settled in and continued to drink and gossip and watch the movie. 

Sahsa felt more like her self than she had in months. She laughed and cried with her friends in all the same places. Her heart was filled and brimming and she just knew. In her heart, in her soul, she was ready to rejoin her life. Ready to go back into the world without cringing and fleeing.

In all, the night was a success and when Garcia hugged her goodbye, Sasha hugged back just as hard.

"Thanks, Pen. I love you." she whispered.

**********

Sasha had been on medical leave for just over two months. She was beyond restless. When Derek and the others were called away on yet another case, she felt enough was enough. She determined that when the team returned, she was going to tell Hotch she was ready to come back to work.

First, she had to convince the therapist that she was ready. It was tricky, she had spent so much time convincing the woman that she was anything but sane. 

Sasha stifled the inner voice that told her she 'was' crazy. The voice had been much quieter since the bath she and Derek had shared. Her cheeks warmed at the memory. His hands on her, his breath in her ear. The warmth bubbled in her belly and she shifted in her seat. The bus rolled to her stop and she jumped to exit. The day was cold but bright. January in DC was not cheery yet Sasha saw only optimism in the day.

Sighing to herself, she walked into the FBI building and headed up to Strauss' office. She had the release from her therapist in her hand. Once she had the proper requirements filled, there was no way Hotch could say no.

It was a little odd being back after such a long absence. Other agents waved and greeted her warmly. She smiled easily and returned their hellos. Anderson looked like he was going to faint when she walked into the bull pen.

"Reid! I-I didn't know you were back." he said, his voice cracking. Sasha smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"Just getting my papers straight with Strauss." she smiled and moved on. He called out a belated welcome back and she waved over her shoulder.

The meeting with Strauss went about as she thought it would. She hated that the woman looked at her like she was a bug. The false concern for her well being made the young genius slightly ill. But her papers were in order and she answered the questions correctly. Strauss conceded that when the team returned, she could return to active duty.

********

Derek stood with his arms crossed and his face serious. He knew it was his own over protective nature that was making him stubborn.

"Baby, are you sure you don't want to take another few weeks?" he asked. Sasha shook her head and walked up to her tense lover.

"Derek, I'm ready." she said gently. Her large eyes looking at him with open vulnerability and deep trust. "I love that you are worried about me. But you don't have to be about this. I know it isn't going to be easy at first." she sounded rational and sober. 

He knew she was right but he couldn't help the wiggling fear in his gut. Fear that if she went back to work, in the field she could get hurt...again. He took a deep breath and pulled her small body to his.

"OK. If that is what you want." he sounded a little defeated. Sasha smiled against his chest and then looked up with a glint in her eyes.

"I do, Derek." She whispered and then reached one slender hand up to caress his cheek. "Like I said..." she caught his eyes and gazed seriously. "I'm ready." 

Derek fell into the honey hazel of her eyes and the full meaning of her words swept over him. 

"Pretty Girl, you mean..." he stuttered over the words. He couldn't believe it. He had wondered if they were ever going to get back to that point. The point they were robbed of by a sick sadistic man. 

Since the bath, they had been bolder in their affection and attention to each to her. But they hadn't gone beyond touching and making out. Not that it wasn't spectacular. It was, but there was more he longed to share with her.

Now she was standing here, in his arms with such love in her big eyes, God how he was a sucker for those eyes. Telling him she was ready. Ready to go further. To consummate their love in a manner they had yet to try. Derek was humbled by her trust and the depth of love he saw in her eyes. 

He had set out to help her heal her wounds and in return she had helped him with his own.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Thank you so much to all those who have stuck with me and R/R. Extra special thanks to Berryblue_girl who gave me the prompt that started it and never let me flinch away from the hard parts. You have been a muse and a cheering section and a critical eye all rolled into one. This fic would not be the same without you. *HUGS* As always please let me know what you think. I like feedback and even constructive crit as long is it's not mean. Thank you again!

Derek couldn't believe she had chosen to tell him this while they were getting ready to leave for work. His dark eyes squinted at the innocent smile she gave him.

"You better not be playing with me, Pretty Girl." he said, swatting her ass. Sasha yelped and looked at him with mock indignation.

"I didn't deserve that." she protested. Derek soothed the swat with a circling palm as he drew her in once more.

"I'm sorry, Baby. It's just--you had to drop that right before work? Now all I am gonna be able to think about, ALL DAY, is that." He sounded so pouty that Sasha had to chuckle.

"Then, when we get home, you can tell me everything your dirty mind came up with." she reasoned and pulled from him to gather her messenger bag. 

Aristotle jumped up on the small table by the door. He meowed at his mistress, waiting for his kiss goodbye. Sasha giggled and stroked his silky head before bending to press a kiss to it.

"Be good, Aris, no parties." she admonished and heard Derek chuckle behind her. She said the same thing to him every time she left the flat. It amused Derek to no end.

"One of these days, you are gonnna forget to say that and we are gonna come back to find 'little man' having a rager. I will laugh." he said and winked at the cat before giving him a parting pet as well. 

Sasha locked the door behind them and shook her head. The look she gave him before moving ahead was squinty and sarcastic.

"You are weird." she snarked and stomped down the stairs into the cold morning air.

***********

Morgan had been right. All he could think of all day was Sasha and what she had confessed to him. 

He thought of every way things could go, both good and bad. He had imagined her in every mood and position combination he could come up with. Three times he had been snapped out of his daydreaming by one of their team mates. 

Every time, he coughed and bullshitted about being deep in thought. 

Sasha snickered at her desk and went about her first day. She was so glad to be back. Everyone was so happy to see her. 

There had been cake.   
With double frosting.   
Sasha had managed to get several pieces to take home.

She was a little hesitant when she had to deal with her paperwork for Georgia. But Jason had appeared suddenly and squeezed her shoulder briefly. 

She had felt the love and strength in that touch and it emboldened her. The paperwork was done lickity split.

The day was finally over and Reid was delighted with how well it had all gone, despite the heated and sometimes pained looks Morgan had shot her.

Gathering her things, she buttoned her coat on and slung her bag over her head. Derek was saying goodnight to Emily before he walked to Sasha's desk.

"Give you a ride, Pretty Girl?" he asked in a low and husky tone. Sasha raised a brow and then laughed. 

"Do I want to know how often that line has worked for you in the past?" She sounded teasingly unimpressed. Derek rolled his eyes and grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward the elevators.

"You have been sassy all day." he snickered. Sasha smiled wide and batted her long lashes.

"I don't know what you could mean, Agent Morgan." she said playfully. 

The ride back to her flat was filled with more teasing and sass. Derek had to take a few deep breaths as they headed up the stairs. His cock was beginning to get excited about the prospects. He silently willed it to behave.

Sasha insisted on seeing to Aris and then debating on what to have for dinner. Derek grinned as he noticed the stall tactics. Leaning on the counter that looked into the kitchen he tapped the formica surface.

"Baby, you don't have to play games. We don't have to go ah-" He was interrupted by the slender woman moving swiftly toward him and latching her lips on his. 

Derek's arms slipped around her as they deepened the kiss. Everything seemed to still and it was only them in the whole world. Just this moment and this kiss.

When they both needed air, their lips parted but the embrace was unchanged. Derek breathed her in. She smelled of sandalwood and cinnamon. His senses swam and then he focused on her honey eyes.

"You are my everything, you know that right?" he whispered. She blushed and pressed her forehead to his.

"You are mine." she answered. Derek felt his chest swell and he lifted her into his arms. Sasha giggled and wrapped her long limbs around him.

They moved to the bedroom and Derek turned on the light while kissing her some more. He stumbled over Aristotle as the cat scampered off the bed and down the hall. Laughing, they tumbled to the bed.

Laying on their sides, they caught their breath and just looked at each other. Sasha's long fingers stroked his face with loving touches.

"You are the most amazing man I've ever met." she said softly. Her eyes were glassy as she smiled crookedly. "I really put you through the wringer." Derek shook his head but her fingers stilled the words he was about to speak.

"No, I have to say this, Der." she said and leaned up on her elbow. "You have been here for me when anyone else would have walked away. I love you Derek Morgan." her voice trembled slightly.

Derek was silenced by her honest words and he fought for the ability to speak. Failing to find it fast enough, he drew her in a heartfelt kiss and threaded his fingers in her silken locks.

The kiss was deep and long, drawing them both into the passion just bubbling under the surface.

Derek rolled them over until he was leaning over her. He was careful not to hold her down hard. He wanted this to be about nothing but them. He wanted to keep the darkness a bay with the light of their love.

His hands mapped her neck and shoulders, blazing a trail his mouth moved to follow. Slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse she wore. His lips nipping and caressing the exposed skin as he worked.

Soft little gasps escaped her lips and she fisted her hands in the cotton of his shirt. She could feel the warmth of his breath as he kissed her belly. She started to tremble. Not realizing she was shaking, she blinked confusedly when Derek stopped and lifted his head.

"Are you ok, Baby?" he asked softly. Sasha opened her eyes wide and nodded.

"Y-yes....why do you ask?" she stammered and moved her hands to cup the back of his neck. Derek's expression gentled and he kissed her chastely.

"You're trembling." he said and smoothed his palm over her abdomen. Sasha blushed pink and bit her lip.

"I didn't notice." she mumbled and pulled him back for more kisses. "It's not bad." she promised and nipped at his plush lips. Smiling into the kiss, Morgan resumed his exploring.

He slowly stripped her clothing off, making sure to keep her connected to here and now. He didn't want her to slip into memories. Bad enough she would never be able to erase what had happened from her brilliant mind. She didn't need her lover reminding her of it in the midst of passion.

Once she was down to her undergarments, Derek began to remove his own clothes. Sasha, still a little shy, sat up and reached for his hands.

"I want to do that." she whispered and grasped the hem of his shirt. Pulling slowly, she got it over his head and tossed it to the floor. Her hands spread out across his chest and she began to give him the same little kisses and nips. Her soft pink tongue finding the grooves of his muscles.

Derek groaned and cupped the back of her head. She smiled against his skin before moving her hands to his jeans. Her palm pressed the large bulge with a little force. The sound Derek let out was thrilling. 

Gold eyes flashed up at him and he felt her undo the fly. He panted in anticipation. Doing his best to remain calm and not just push her down and fuck her brains out. It wasn't easy.

Sasha got his jeans open and began to push them down his legs.

"Want to taste you." she whispered and Derek thought his head may have just blown off.

He moved at her prompting to get the denim off his long legs. Once he was free of the jeans, she tugged at his boxers.

"These need to come off too if we are gong to do this properly." she said, amusingly sober. Derek chuckled and shucked the cotton drawers.

"Does that mean you'll take these off too?" he asked and hooked one finger in the hip of her panties. Sasha smiled and lowered her lashes.

"Yes." she said and began to push them down. Derek watched her with such an expression of love on his face, that the young woman felt no self-consciousness in the baring of her body to him.

Once the panties were gone, Sasha reached back and unhooked the bra. Slipping it off her arms, she lifted her eyes to him again.

"I know they aren't as big as the women you usually go for but I think they are pretty." she said in a small voice. 

Derek sucked in a breath and moved to face her on the bed. They were kneeling in the middle and only inches apart.

"They are beautiful just like everything else about you, Baby." he said. His large hands slipped up to softly caress the alabaster mounds tipped in dusky peaks. 

"See how they fit my hands perfectly?" he asked and kissed along her white throat. Sasha moaned as his thumbs brushed her nipples, causing them tighten.

Her soft sounds were making his cock weep with need. Slipping his hands up her back as his mouth claimed her neck. She shivered when he found the soft spot behind her ear. 

She gripped her hands into his shoulders and looked at him with such a wicked expression he thought he might cum right then.

"Lay back." she purred and Derek happily complied. He watched her as she moved over him, her long hair spilling over her white shoulders. 

She began to kiss his chest once more, taking time to torment his nipples before moving lower. He was fairly stunned that she was pursuing this. He also couldn't wait to feel her wet little mouth on him.

Her fingers found his length and wrapped tight around it. He groaned and pressed his head back into the pillow. His hands fisted in the bedding to prevent the reflex to grasp her hair.

She glanced up at him now and then, watching his reactions to her exploring mouth and stroking fingers. The tips of her fingers brushed his sack, making him arch his hips.

Sasha smiled, she was nervous, no doubt, but the control Derek was giving her made the really scary feelings melt. It felt right and real. 

Her lush mouth pressed to the tip of his cock, taking in the musky taste. She found that it was odd, but she liked it.

Slowly she licked the ridged flesh. The way he gasped and moaned encouraged her to move ahead.

Licking her lips, she caught his eyes and then lowered her mouth to engulf his head. Derek cried out and shuddered with the effort to not thrust his hips up into her mouth.

"Oh God, Baby! You are gonna kill me." he gasped and looked down to watch her as she began to bob her head. His eyes nearly crossed when she sucked in on the up stroke.

The moments stretched by, Derek felt his body shaking with the need to control himself.

"B-Baby...Y-you need to stop or this will be over way too fast." he panted and caressed her cheek. 

Sasha's head came up and she looked at him with liquid eyes and a swollen red mouth. The sight made his balls tighten and he groaned again. 

"W-Was it ...b-bad?" she asked nervously. Derek pulled her up to him and shook his head.

"Not at all, it was too good." he said and cupped her cheek before kissing her. He could taste the spice of himself in her mouth and it thrilled him to the core.

Sasha was relieved that she hadn't disappointed him. She smiled as they parted and her long leg slipped over his hips. Her creamy thigh rubbing along his cock as it passed. She shifted to straddle him and leaned down to kiss his jaw. 

"I liked doing that. I liked how it made you moan." she said in a lust rough voice. Derek growled and slipped his hands to her hips. She wasn't sitting on him yet, but he could feel the heat of her little sex against his abs. It was making him crazy. 

With a quick kiss, he rolled them and landed himself on top. Sasha looked startled for a moment before Derek drew back and smiled affectionately.

"My turn." he whispered and let his lips slip down her throat. He nipped her collar bone for a minute before moving his lips to catch one hard little bud. 

The gasp she let out as he suckled her nipple was erotic and raw. He laved the little peak, grazing it with his teeth gently. She writhed under him and he felt her silken heat brush his length. Hissing against her breast, he moved to the other and gave it the same treatment.

Sasha was awash in pleasure. Derek's mouth on her was trailing fire over her skin. Her sex was throbbing and damp with want. She was excited by the new feelings.

Derek had nipped his way down her ribcage to her flat little belly. Dipping his tongue into her navel, he liked the way she squirmed for him.

With tender hands, he parted her thighs gently and dropped his gaze to her pink core. He licked his lips before lowering his head and nuzzling her sex.

His lips and tongue worked to take in her taste and seek out the tiny nub at the apex of her folds.

When they closed around her clit, Sasha arched off the bed. She moaned loud and deep. 

Derek reveled in her taste, like honey and citrus. He licked and sucked at her making those sounds continue. His tongue flicked over her button and soon she was shaking and moaning his name. 

He reached his hand up to cup one milky breast in his dark hand. The other tickled along her thigh before delving gently into her wet center. 

The press of his finger made her tense up for a moment. The moans turned into pants as he slowly stroked his finger into her tightness and sucked her clit. 

Sasha's head thrashed on the pillows. She bucked into the sensation. She felt like her body was going to break apart at any second. 

Nipping the little nub with his teeth and including a second finger on the next thrust, Derek brought her over the edge. Her sheath clamped down on his fingers and she cried out in climax. 

He nuzzled and licked a few more beats before she twitched away from the over sensation.

Swiping his mouth with his fingers, he sucked the taste of her from his skin. He moved up to hold her face as she gasped back to reality. 

When her golden eyes cleared, he kissed her deeply. Sasha wrapped her arms around his neck and hooked one leg over his hip.

"Want you now, Derek. Need you." she panted and her large eyes pleaded. He shushed her and promised he would take her where she needed to go. 

Shifting to settle more evenly between her legs, Derek ran his fingers down her belly. 

He reached for his aching cock and brushed the head up and down her wetness a few times. She wiggled and groaned. Derek grinned.

"Open your eyes, Baby." he said softly. Her eyes opened, still heavy with her climax. "Don't look away until I am inside you." he said as his free hand traced fingertips along her face. 

He was giving her the last out, a chance to say now before they crossed the line that couldn't be uncrossed. Sasha recognized what it was.

"I want you, Derek. I give myself to you freely." she whispered and she could feel him quiver at her words. 

Holding her eyes with his, Derek lined his begging shaft up with her entrance. They both took a deep breath and then he thrust forward. 

Her wet sex, already excited, made the penetration easy. Derek groaned as her heat surrounded him. She was so tight, so soft. 

Sasha cried out at the fullness and the stretch. It was odd and nothing like what she had experienced before. He was still once he was hilted in her silk. Holding her face in his hands, he kissed her tenderly and waited for her to get used to it.

Sasha swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and gave him a crooked smile. She was scared, she was aroused and she trusted this man on top of her, now inside her. She trusted him not to hurt and abuse her. Taking another deep breath Sash wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck.

"Make love to me, Derek." she moaned and shifted her tiny hips up. Derek made a growling sound and caught her mouth as he began to buck. 

Slowly, tenderly, he eased in and out of her heat. His heart was pounding like mad, his hands trembled as he touched her everywhere he could reach. They kissed and panted and moaned in sync. 

His mouth latched onto the crook of her neck and he sucked a mark. His mark. His claim. Sasha was his and no one else's.

"I love you, Sash. " he gasped and lifted his head to watch her face as their pace increased. She was arching to meet his thrusts. Her sensual mouth parted in pleasure when he thrust deep. 

He saw that she still had her eyes closed. He heart skipped a beat and he worried suddenly at the creases in her brow. 

Needing to sooth that encroaching fear, Derek grasped her hips and rolled them again.

He held her atop him as they settled and Sash looked down at him in surprise. The shift in position gave her control. Her heart clenched at his actions and she almost sobbed out the next moan. 

Leaning down to kiss as she began to rock on him. The angle making her feel new things that sent lightening bolts of sensation up her spine. Derek broke their kiss and pressed at her shoulders.

"Lean back, Baby. Let me see you while you ride me." he breathed heatedly. Sasha managed to blush, despite the fact that he was balls deep in her.

Leaning back, she felt his thrusts change and it made her smaller body bounce a little. Bracing her hands on his broad chest, Sasha began to move with his harder deeper thrusts. 

His hands each found a home. One on her hip, guiding her pace. The other on one soft breast, clasping it covetously.

"Oh Sasha, Baby, I'm close." he moaned, overwhelmed by the sensation of her little sex clenching around him. 

He let his hand drop from her breast to slip between them. His fingertip brushing where they were joined, making them both gasp. He found her clit and began to thrum the little nub. 

Sasha bucked against him harder, her cries getting louder and more frenzied. Derek growled and watched her through slit eyes.

"That's it, Pretty Girl. Cum for me." he rumbled and could feel the first wave as it hit her. 

Her channel closed hard and tight around him. She began to heat up, her hips bucking off rhythm as her head fell back. A throaty cry came out as she trembled and fell forward on his chest. 

Needing to meet her on that level, Derek grasped her hips and sat up. Holding her to him and rocked his hips hard a few more times, before the haze took him. He held her body tight and her name was shouted into the air.

Sasha could feel him spill inside her, the heat and the pulse of his cock. It made her feel warm. Like she was renewed in his claim.

Tumbling to the bed, they lay in a heap panting and slowly coming down. Derek held her to his chest, his heart matching hers in it's slowing beat.

"Thank you." she whispered and traced her fingers down his chest. Derek lifted her head to look at him.

"Nope. Thank you." he said softly and smiled at the confusion in her eyes. "Thank you for letting me be the first to make love to you." he said and kissed her with all the love he felt. 

"Thank you for giving me your virginity. I am humbled by that gift." He said against her still parted lips. 

Sasha's eyes welled at his words and she bit her lip. Derek brushed away the few tears.

"I love you." she mumbled and pressed her face to his chest. Derek hugged her closer and kissed her hair.

"Not as much as I love you." He smiled, trying to inject a little levity into the tense moment. Sash giggled and nipped his chest.

"You cannot quantify that." she said and looked back up at him. "It's impossible to measure how much one person loves another. It isn't tang-" he stopped her rant with a hungry kiss. 

**********

As the sun rose, it spread splintered fingers of light through the curtain in Sasha's bedroom. 

In the tangled bedding, the two lovers lay entwined. Derek was asleep, lightly snoring. Sasha lay watching him in the half light. Her lips drawn up in a small smile. 

She owed this man so much, she hoped her love would be enough. That she would be enough. 

Derek Morgan had made sure she survived and healed. He had over seen her soul's reclamation.

She would give him anything he needed, and knew he would return in kind.

Sighing to herself, Sasha snuggled down and felt Derek move in his sleep to spoon up around her. 

Pressing her back to his heat, she felt content and whole. Just as she was slipping into sleep, she felt her cat snuggle up in the curve of her belly.

All was right in Sasha Reid's world.

The End


End file.
